全部issue官方范文的分析（已加入总结）
[b]全文结构：[/b]F/r;u F m-X[b]一、awintro的关于issue部分的整理和归纳。（2楼）[/b]
[b]二、官方满分范文的详细分析。（3楼至10楼）[/b]
[b]三、总结。[/b]
[font=宋体]附注：[/font]
[font=宋体]（1）我把每一篇文章的分析(最上面的是我的分析)，[/font][font=宋体]文档放在附件里了，[/font]
[font=宋体]并在后面附上了些[b]别人的分析[/b]（基本上是网上能找到的全部,很全），有兴趣的朋友不妨下载来综合看看。[/font]d'S%h1n5} f$I4T5u#D2l
[font=宋体][b]这里有一点需要说明[/b]：这些牛人的分析来源于几十位不同的牛人，由于时间紧无法一一将名字列出，请见谅！衷心谢谢各位牛人辛勤的工作！[/font][font=宋体]为广大G友们提供了丰富的思路！[/font]
[font=宋体] [/font]4{ZEM|O,L0Y g
[font=宋体]（2）看分析之前最好要[b]先看未加分析的原文[/b]，自己先对文章有点感觉，不妨多看几遍，然后再看分析，这样的效果最好！[/font]+_r8Z:tK3_6`
[font=宋体]大家可以：下载附件中的全部范文，然后[b]利用word的搜索功能[/b]找到我们着重分析的8篇满分范文。 Px h$g)CC"TN?
[/font]
[font=宋体]（3）关于官方的文件的研读，本人还有几篇文字，有兴趣的同学可以参考：k#\"}^W[
“全部argument官方范文的分析” [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1120526-1-2.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1120526-1-2.html[/url]
“AW的intro的解读” [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1109245-1-2.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1109245-1-2.html[/url]YWVgx7Ye8j4u
“关于雷同问题的我的一点看法” [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1116186-1-16.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1116186-1-16.html[/url][/font]
[font=宋体][font=Helvetica]“argument常用词汇总结” [url]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1148045-1-1.html[/url][/font]v o.LQgdZK8_8P/v@)sK
[/font]N@,y,m1AF.mX
[font=宋体]祝大家天天开心！[/font]
[font=宋体][/font]
[font=宋体]mike87227 of OUC[/font]
H}_!G:@GP!L
[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-10-11 09:48 编辑 [/i]] [font=宋体][size=10.5pt][align=left][font=宋体][size=5][size=10.5pt]第一部分：awintro的解读[/size][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][i]注：下面所有文字均摘自我的另一篇文章“awintro的解读”，由于当时的分析已经较为详细，故直接引用，只是个别文字稍有改动。[/i][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。[/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Each topic, presented in quotation marks, makes a claim about an issue that test takers can discuss from [b]various perspectives and apply to many different situations or conditions.[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一点从理论上说明了任何范文只是众多入手点的其中之一，每一个题目都有着不同的切入点以及破题方案。我们不能限制住自己[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Be sure to read the claim carefully and think about it [b]from several points of view,[/b] considering the [b]complexity [/b]of ideas associated with those perspectives[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这点很重要，对于每个题目的分析都不能是片面的，想的复杂一些！全面要比深入更为重要。复杂！[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]S#~ @FoX p H H
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Although it is important that you [b]address the central issue[/b], you are free to take any approach you wish.[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]让步前：告诉我们什么是最重要的-[b]中心论点[/b]。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align] O F-]PCg z k tw
[align=left][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]agree absolutely[/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] with the claim, [b]disagree completely[/b], or [b]agree with some parts[/b] and not others[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]对于立场的选择，尽管坛子里几乎已经达成共识就是要选平衡观点，但是[b]官方无数次的强调，可以任意选[/b]，可以绝对反对，也可以绝对肯定。这在北美范文中也是也到印证的。看来官方不在乎我们的选什么态度，在乎的是如何证明我们的态度。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]-c$C;W7G/w;i#`B
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]以下是几个官方提供给我们做的更加充实的的入手点，还是很有价值的：[/size][/font][/align][align=left][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]question[/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] the assumptions the statement seems to be making[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]质疑假设[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]qualify any of its terms,[/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] especially if the way you define or apply a term is important to developing your perspective on the issue[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]定义关键名词[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]point out why the claim is valid [b]in some situations[/b] but not in others[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]分情况讨论[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]evaluate points of view that [b]contrast with [/b]your own perspective[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]对比，主要通过比较找出自己的观点与原文的所不同的地方[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]develop your position with reasons that are supported by [b]several [/b]relevant examples or by[b] a single extended [/b]example[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后这一点很重要，告诉我们如何用例子：[b]要么用好几个例子，要么用一个可以延伸的大例子。在官方给出的范文中有这样的示范。（只用一个普通的例子是很无力的）[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]以上每一点都够写一大段了，还愁没的写吗？[/size][/font][/b][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]The purpose of this task is to determine how well you can develop a compelling argument supporting your own perspective on an issue and to[b] effectively communicate[/b] that argument in writing to[b] an academic audience[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]有效的交流告诉我们[b]文章要有足够的交流性，给人沟通的感觉[/b]。这一点北美范文做得很好。比如说用疑问句阿，或者在文中假设一个反对的意见，然后去解释，都能够给人营造一个交流的气氛，而不是说教。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后一个词告诉我们[b]我们的观众是谁-学院式的观众[/b]。这暗示着我们选取的例子虽然不用太专业，但也至少有点学术气息。我个人是很推崇以西方文明史中经典事例来的，显得很学术。实际上它是在告诉我们可以把这个作文的创作看成是一场学术报告，以这样的态度来选取事例以及语言。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align] G lVx0K7t n `
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]the Issue task is meant to assess the persuasive writing skills that you have developed [b]throughout your education[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]他在考我们大学这几年的收获。可能有的人会说纯属扯淡，考的无非就是30天左右的准备过程。我想说的是，官方的说法还是有一定道理的，比如我们专业学物理比较多，大学物理里的核心其实就是一种[b]思维方式[/b]，所以很多题目我看到以后就很兴奋，因为都是平时上课时思考过的，尤其在量子物理近代物理那部分的发展过程，留心的话还是很多话题的来源。如果各位找不到这样的感觉，至少它暗示着我们应该尽量把文章写的靠近我们的专业，更加熟悉才能够发挥得更好。他考察的是我们经过这几年的学习在思维方式有哪些收获。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Suppose, for instance, that an Issue topic asks you to consider whether it is important for government to provide financial support for art museums. If your position is that government should fund art museums, you might support your position by discussing [b]the reasons art is important[/b] and e[b]xplain that museums are public places where art is available to anyone[/b].[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这不就是[b]著名的三段论[/b]吗，看来官方对于这样的论证体系是很推崇的。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]]*T+`?,L{J`0z
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]think about the issue in relation to [b]your own [/b]ideas and experiences, to events [b]you[/b] have read about [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]or observed, and to people [b]you[/b] have known[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里没有说要多牛的例子，但一再强调必须要是我们熟知的。[b]最简单的就是用本专业的例子[/b]了。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里没有说我们需要为了准备这样的一个考试而去专门搜集例子，实际上它在暗示，用现在已经拥有的知识储备就足够了，后面会说到，重要的不是例子本身，而是如何用例子去论证。所以，[b]放心的用本专业的例子吧！既省时间又达到目的，还能避免雷同！[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]decide what position on the issue you want to take and defend—remember [b]you are free to agree or [/b][/size][/font][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]disagree completely or to agree with some parts or some applications [/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]but not others[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再一次强调了立场没有必要非是平衡观点。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]What examples—[b]either real or hypothetical[/b]—could I use to illustrate those reasons and advance [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]my point of view?[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]给我们指出了一条新路，那就是例子可以是[b]假设[/b]的情况！比如说反证法，[b]甚至凭空假设[/b]一个，只要它能够在常识的基础上为我们的论证提供有力的支撑。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align] M}2`.~ [
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Once you have decided on a position to defend, consider the perspective of others who [b]might not agree with your position[/b]. Ask yourself: What reasons might someone use to[b] refute or undermine[/b] my position? How should I [b]acknowledge or defend[/b] against those views in my essay?[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里又给我们指出了一条路，那就是要[b]考虑到别人会如何攻击我们的弱点[/b]，很显然，靠这个我们就可以[b]再写出一段[/b]，先假设别人也许会怎么样攻击，再阐述我对此的解释。这样显得论证很完美，无懈可击。同时还[b]增加了字数[/b]。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Readers will see, for example, some Issue responses at the[b] 6 score[/b] level that begin by [b]briefly summarizing [/b]the writer's position on the issue and then e[b]xplicitly announcing the main points to be argued. [/b]They will see others that lead into the writer's position by making a prediction, asking a series of questions, describing a scenario, or defining critical terms in the quotation.[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里已经明确的说明了满分文章开头的特质：[b]简短复述加清晰立场。[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]d:S@ C `ce `
[align=left][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]The readers know that a writer can earn a high score by giving [b]multiple examples[/b] or by presenting a [b]single, extended [/b]example.[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再次点明了例子要举什么形式的。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]What matters is not the number of examples, the number of paragraphs, or the form your argument takes but, rather, the [b]cogency of your ideas[/b] about the issue and[b] the clarity[/b] and [b]skill [/b]with which you communicate those ideas [b]to academic readers[/b].[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里说明了考官看中的是什么。以及关键是我们的读者对象是什么。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]There are several basic positions you could take on this issue: Yes, society needs more generalists and places too high a value on specialists. No, the opposite is true. Or, it depends on various factors. Or, both groups are important in today’s culture; [b]neither is overvalued[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再一次的强调观点是无所谓的。哪怕是大名鼎鼎的平衡观点，也不会更加显得好。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（尽管是这样，我们还是更加推荐平衡观点，倒不是因为它更好，而是因为更简单操作，有更强的普适性，能让我们说出更多的话）[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]Now you can organize your thoughts into two groups:4@9I[l:g
Reasons and examples to[b] support the claim[/b][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]；Reasons and examples[b] to support an opposing point of view[/b][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]If you find one view clearly more persuasive than the other, consider developing an argument from that perspective. As you build your argument, [b]keep in mind the other points, which you could argue against.[/b] If both groups have compelling points, consider [b]developing a position supporting, not the stated claim, but a more limited or more complex claim.[/b] Then you can use reasons and examples from both sides to justify your position.[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里告诉我们[b]选择立场的方法[/b]，先把[b]正反[/b]两方面都列出来，然后比较哪方更有说服力，或者是平分秋色。最重要的一点提示就是，[b]选定一方之后，对于另一方，要给与驳斥[/b]，这恐怕是我们平时想得比较少的一个方面。既能使论证更加全面有力，又能增加字数。倒数第二句话说出了issue写作的理论的核心，就是不选取任何一方的态度，而是自己创立一个复合的、更加具体的态度，然后让两方面都有余地来证明它。打个比方，就像人家问妈妈好还是爸爸好，我们就说在什么情况下遇到什么事的时候，妈妈比爸爸好，在什么情况下爸爸比妈妈好。或者妈妈的那方面好爸爸的那方面好。[/size][/font][/align][align=left].[/align][align=left]附注：完整版的awintro的解读请参加我的另一篇文章[url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1109245-1-2.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1109245-1-2.html[/url][/align][/size][/font]9h7c b+E0dJ9_
[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-1 09:00 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][b][size=12pt]第一篇文章[/size][/b]K1kL3Q4O~1gjt
[b][size=12pt]"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."[/size][/b]
[size=3][size=10.5pt]题目分析：核心概念是技术的发展，人们如何利用这些发展（实际上就是人们如何面对它）这两点如何在社会中影响。题目给出了讨论方向，即要考虑到人们在科技的影响下越来越孤独的问题。题目限定了时间范围是当代。[/size]
[size=10.5pt]注：[b]深红色[/b]的字代表论点性语言，是文章[b]论证[/b][/size][b][size=12pt]的核心[/size][/b][size=12pt]。其中的关键字我用粗体表示。实际上文章的观点只用这些深红色的字就够了，不信的话大家可以把所有深红色的字提出来，全文的脉络就清晰可辨了，如同人的脊梁骨。黑色的字代表[b]支撑论点[/b]的语言。这里有些是例证，有些是推理证明，个别的有指路标性质的文字我加粗了。黑色字的作用是使文章更佳的丰满，让人信服。推理证明就像骨头（小骨头非脊梁骨）[/size][size=12pt],[/size][size=12pt]例证就像是肉。最终组成了有血有肉的文章。[/size]
[/size][/size][b][size=2][color=blue]由于太傻排版和word的部分不兼容，导致有些颜色变化显示不出来，完整版请点击后面的附件下载。谢谢！[/color][/size][/b][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=12pt][color=darkred][b][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]Technology[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=12pt], broadly defined as the use of tools, has a [b]long history[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt][color=darkred]For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people [b]to move ever closer[/b] together[/color].[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt] Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前面的几句话都是在介绍大的背景，即技术在现在这样的社会中有哪些影响，这很明显是在点题目中的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]“[b]modern civilizations [/b]”[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]，很好的介绍了文章所限制的范围有哪些特点。从文字上来看，黑色的句子与棕色的句子的意思是完全一样的，区别就是一个更加抽象，一个更加具体，后者是通过具体的例子来解释前者的。这两者都是必不可少的。我们在写作文的时候是不是会忘记写两者中的其中一部分呢？[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]Only [b]very lately[/b] have Erg's descendants come to [b]question the benefits[/b] of technology[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]very lately[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]用的很好，第一它再一次的点题了，很好的紧扣题目，第二它与第一句话中所介绍出来的背景遥相呼应，使得前后的连接很顺当。本句以及以后几句就开始提出与第一句话相反的意见了，但是只是将现象提出来，并没有具体展开任何观点。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. [b]As a result of [/b]the[b] drive[/b] toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), [b]people began to act as cogs[/b] in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]开头段分为两个部分，一部分写优点，后一部分转而写有质疑。很好的暗示了文章的结构。我们可以清晰地知道作者的思路，并期待他在后面进行展开。并且通过细节处比如修饰语中的扣题，使得文章很好的紧扣题目。没有任何模版的痕迹。[/size][/font],E*B/ex)`I)V
[font=Tahoma][size=12pt]The[b] benefits of the new technology[/b] of today, computers and the internet, [b]are[/b] particularly [b]ambiguous[/b][/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]. [color=darkred]They have [b]made work ever more efficient and knit the world together[/b] in a web of information and phone lines[/color]. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet...[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]本段第一句话[b]质疑[/b]科技带来的好处，这一句话引领出本段以及下一段。可以看作是一个过渡句。这里文章与开头段落的衔接非常好，我们看：[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]ambiguous[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]不正是照应了[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]question[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]吗？正是因为[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]ambiguous[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]人们才会[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]question[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]阿。本段的主题句实际上是第二句话。强调了科技的好的地方，使效率更高，人们之间的联系更加紧密了。后面的四个例子分别证明了这一点。这里，有一点我想说的，就是关于例子的使用，在[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]中明确说了要怎么用例子来支持观点：要么用几个例子，要么用一个可以延伸的例子。我们看这篇文章[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]Erg[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这个词的频繁使用，这样的一个无限延伸的大例子不正是使文章连贯、论证有力的法宝吗。同时，本段最后用了四个事例，实际上都是用[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]erg[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]给串连起来的，也包括下一段。安排的顺序：事业[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]=[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]〉朋友[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]=[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]〉生存[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]=[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]〉娱乐，一步一步地指向个人的内心世界，人的精神层面。[/size][/font]
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[font=Tahoma][size=12pt][b][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]Many people[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=12pt], myself included, are a little [b]queasy [/b]about that vision[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if it's just digital? [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]本段主要讲科技进步的负面，与上一段首句相照应。很好的承接了上一段落的内容。同时，在例子论证方面，与上一段的每一个点都有照应。一步一步的将上一段质疑。这种釜底抽薪的质疑使得上一段看似很牛的证明崩溃。同志们看出来本文这种可延伸的一个大例子的威力了吧，在证明过程中那么的有力，在反驳过程中那么的彻底，而且连成一串使得总效果增加不少，这比单独的列几个不相干的例子要有效的多。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been[b] haunted by the prospect[/b] that we are turning into [b]our machines[b]: efficient, productive, soulless[/b][/b]. [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data.[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt] We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]上面两句都是对上面棕红色字的解释，并且是从不同层面的进行的刻画。第一句是对上一句的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]efficient[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]、[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]productive[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]的解释，其中[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]we fear[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]不正是对应了[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]haunt[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]吗，第二句是对应于[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]soulless[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]的解释。其中第二句是重点，因为下一自然段讨论的就是他。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]In short, the new technology [b]emphasizes a spiritual crisis[/b] that has been building for quite some time.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这一句话既是总结了上面所有的关于现状的描述，同时，也作为承上启下的过度句，逐步地将讨论深化至精神层面，从而自然的引出下一段作者自己的观点。[/size][/font]
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[font=Tahoma][size=12pt][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]As I try to [b]unravel [/b]which I believe about the relative[b] merits of technology[/b], I think it is instructive to [b]remember technology's [b]original result[/b][/b]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]前两段都是作者分析现有的情况，分析题目中所给出的条件。而这一段则是作者提出自己的观点，并且使得文章的论述深入到本质。实际上这个就是作者的立场，这样的定立场的方式很好啊，第二段第三段分别分析了原文的立场和反对原文的立场，可是作者并没有同意任何一个，也没有部分同意。本段从科技本质出发，倾向于说科技的不好，但是不带批评色彩，很聪明的另辟蹊径，指向本源。这就避免了冲突。显出自己的睿智。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]A better[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt] plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. [color=black]Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这两句话是一层，通过[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]plow[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]的例子解释了本质。前一句举出事实，后一句进行分析，指出本质是占用了我们的空闲时间，直接指向科技的本质（正如最后一段说的，这本质就是科技与生活的失衡）。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.[/size][/font]c1K~4U5q ndT7|
[font=Tahoma][size=12pt]We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]这两句话是[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]第二层，说明我们相互之间缺少了沟通和交流。[color=black]直接指向科技的本质（正如最后一段说的，这本质就是科技与生活的失衡）。[/color][/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]
[color=maroon]While I am certainly not a Luddite, I d[/color][color=darkred]o believe we need to [b]look for[/b] a bit more [b]balance between technology and life[/b]. [/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]本句话是全文的中心，前面几段都是铺垫，先说科技好和不好的方面，然后指向本质。本段不仅点出本质，而且给出了进一步的解决思路。（打个比方，这样的论证方式就像是老师去差学生家访，先说“你这孩子挺爱劳动的啊是个好孩子”，然后说“可是学习怎么那么差呢怎么老爱打架呢”，最后说本质“老赵阿其实我知道你工作太忙了，又要评职称又要炒股票没工夫顾孩子。不过为了孩子，还是多抽出点时间关心下吧”，这样的论证结构下来，从表及内，让人感觉很有说服力！）[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology [b]has given us[/b] long lives and endless supplies of information. [b]Now we need to[/b] apply that information, use the time we're not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]最后给出了建议，具体的支撑了如何[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=12pt]balance[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=12pt]科技与生活。仔细看这三句不正是三段论吗！大前提小前提结论。[/size][/font]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/b][/size][/font]#G7V;u6^d4B
[font=Tahoma][size=12pt][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]COMMENTARY[/size][/font][/b]kYg^a\U!?Op
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.Yad`K
The essay immediately [b]identifies the complexities[/b] of the issue and then playfully explores both the [b]benefits[/b] and the [b]drawbacks [/b]of technological developments over the course of human history.1{ A2St.C
The writer maintains that a "[b]balance between technology and life"[/b] is necessary if humans are going to [b]abate the loneliness[/b] that is part of modern existence.[/size][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-14 00:07 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][size=4][align=left][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][size=3]第二篇文章[/size][/size][/font][/b]2Hz8U:Il2C ];n
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][size=3]"The media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."[/size][/size][/font][/b]*K!A8Ppt4Em
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[size=3][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]For our grandparents[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] it occurred through films and books. [b]For the baby boomers [/b]it was a result of television and revolutionary music. [color=darkred]No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have [b]played a crucial role[/b] in[b] not simply being representative [/b]of the values of our society [b]but creating them[/b] as well[/color].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]前面两句话提出了背景对于不同的人，也暗示后面的论证入手点，即时间顺序。第三句提出了论点，后面的官方评语赞扬这样的立场有足够的复杂性，同时在官方的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中我们也可以多次看到，官方要求我们提出的观点要越复杂越好。其实很多时候我们的想法确实很复杂，但是关键得让人一眼就能看出来复杂啊，这里作者用的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]not simply[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]就强烈的心理暗示了考官他所提出的观点是复杂的。[/size][/font][/size]
[size=3][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/size][/align][align=left][size=3][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]During the roaring twenties Americans [b]found themselves in a struggle [/b]between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. The [b]once steadfast beliefs[/b] that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being[b] challenged[/b]. From where was all this rebellion stemming?[b] Partly it was due to[/b] the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]前面都是演绎背景，说明变化有多么的大，这里看似是对于全文的论述没有多少的作用，但是这里的说明是很有必要的，因为只有先强调了变化有多么的大，然后再把原因归咎于媒体上，才能突出媒体的作用多么的大。就好像我们想和别人说我们考了[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]gre[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]多么牛的时候，总是先要强调[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]gre[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]考试多么的难多么的变态，然后再说我们已经搞定了他，这样给人感觉就是更加的牛。另一方面，上面在最后给出了一种的解释，然后在下面又予以分析，并提出了媒体作为更加重要的原因，这样的论证方式让人感觉很有一种讨论的气氛，我们先假设了一种答案，然后并不是完全否认他，而是提出了一个更为完美的解释。潜在的作者的思维方式是，作者认为他如果单纯写媒体是主要的方式，会被读者轻易的用回归士兵来反驳，所以作者就先发制人，先提出了他因，然后自己分析回答，作者并不完全否定，而是稍加肯定后，再提出自己的更为好的答案，这样作者的论证就显得天衣无缝了。[/size][/font][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Nonetheless, [b]returning soldiers could not be held responsible for[/b] the [b]social upheaval[/b] that America experienced. There had to [b]be another cause[/b], and there was, [b]the media[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本句话通过分析回归士兵，进而提出了作者自己的观点，即媒体作为社会剧变的主要因素。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Although the films of the era were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里给出了具体的事例。给[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]although[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句话具体的解释。即画面本身也暗示了很多东东。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [b]The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that America had never before experienced[/b]. Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisure’s of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里给出了具体的事例，给出了上一句话具体的解释，即电影体现出了人们对物质的价值观。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [color=darkred]The use of the media in the twenties was[b] to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas[/b] that were circulating[/color]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句话总结了本段的观点，即在二十世纪媒体促进了社会价值观的变革。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句话写了不好的一面，即社会的动荡，这样的论证使得作者的思路很辩证，有好有坏，不是一味的赞扬。[/size][/font][/size] \$h9V7d5x7i4OW+l U
[size=3][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/size][/align][align=left][size=3][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Unlike the twenties, the [b]sixties and seventies [/b]utilized the media in a way that appealed to those [b]searching for truth[/b] in a lost and confused world[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里从另一个时间点来论证了媒体的作用。本段强调媒体帮助我们了解真相。官方[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]AWINTRO[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]告诉我们，对于一个题目要应用到不同的领域去，不同的方面去。这里我们就看出来了作者的思路的灵活性，通过应用于不同的时间点来分析媒体对于人们生活的影响，从而最后得出媒体是更多的创造价值观。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]马丁如何利用媒体。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]By doing so[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], King successfully began to change the traditional view of race. Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]利用媒体后达到了什么效果。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [b]As a result,[/b] America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well.Television cameras rolled [b]as [/b]Cesar Chavez [b]organized the migrant workers[/b] in California and [b]as [/b]Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham [b]linked arms to protest[/b] the lack of women's rights. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]同样的做法，还有那些成功的案例，这些案例有什么深远的意义。经过以上三层的阐述，层层深入，不断地指向媒体让我们了解事实真相这件事的本质。本段很好的证明了作者的观点，正是由于本段中提到的这些积极效果，才说明了媒体确实是创造了价值，有切实的作用。[/size][/font][/size]
[size=3][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/size][/align][align=left][size=3][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]While the media helped to [b]shape some attitudes[/b] about racism and gender it [b]also[/b] helped to [b]uncover the truth[/b] behind government lies. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这就是本文的结尾，确实是没说完，是个烂尾工程，[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]government lies[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]明显就是需要进一步展开的，需要完整的一段证明的。从这里我们能体会到[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]aw[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]考试的本质，就是看看我们是否有分析的能力，前面的论述已经展示了作者的能力，所以后面的也就不需要了。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]ETS[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]考察的不是作品，而是写作品的人。它要通过文章看看我们行不行，既然在前面已经看到了，后面就不用管了。打个比方，有些人，我们和他说一两句话就能迅速知道这个人牛不牛，尤其是有的人说出一句话出来我们就知道这个人与众不同。同样的，[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]ETS[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]就是想知道我们牛不牛，而不是文章如何。但是这一切的前提是我们在前面已经把重要的东西展示出来了，本文已经在第一段就清楚的说出了作者的立场，后面也给出了清楚的证明。同学们，这给了我们什么启示呢？一定要高度重视文章的前面的部分，要把最精深的东西最牛的东西，最清晰地分析放在最前面。[/size][/font][/color][/size]/f+ej)V7} NB;N"G
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[size=4][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]COMMENTARY[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished. The writer's views on the issue are so[b] cogent, well articulated, and well developed[/b] that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the[b] quality of thinking and writing displayed[/b], not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.[/size][/font]G*d3r+d0{ d'x
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines. The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest. The quick [b]repetition of sentence structure[/b] and, once again, the [b]intentionally vague use of "it" [/b]("For the baby boomers it was") effectively draw the reader in. By the third sentence, we know that this essay[b] will address the complexity of the issue[/b] ("not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well") and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.[/size][/font]3O2U9dP U!o
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The rest of the essay [b]addresses the influence [/b]of historical events and media [b]on the values[/b] of modern society, [b]from [/b]the "roaring twenties" [b]to [/b]the "sixties and seventies."[b] Insightful analysis[/b] accompanies the historical references. For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively. [b]Word choice[/b] is precise ("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), [b]sentences[/b] are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and[b] transitional phrases[/b] help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties????" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women??? wore their hemlines??? shorter than the decade before them"), but they are[b] not intrusive[/b].[/size][/font](K*Y V|Y1n'B"S
[/size][/size][size=4][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion.
However, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.[/size][/font][/size][/size][/font]/bl$G+_R e
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-7 22:03 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]m8T H Y F.`#Ft Ew K
[align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第三篇文章[/size][/font]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]"Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could. Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nation's boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]6[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]、[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Cooperation---or Tragedy?[/size][/font] N R#b QkFw
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The solution to the world's growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. It has been said that "environmental problems are global and respect no nation's boundaries." [b][color=maroon]Unfortunately[/color][/b][color=maroon], pollution and its consequences still [b]fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything [/b]about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the world's wealthy.[/color] [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段首句提出观点：解决环境问题还需要稍事等待。这里的立场其实还是很不好理解的，关键就是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awhile[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这个词的理解，根据[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]AHD[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]字典的解释：[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]For a short time.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]可以看出，作者的意思是需要等待，但不能等待太久，一小会就够。第二句话提出了题目的观点，第三句话实际上是分析第二句话，指出题目中的现实情况，[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]large measure[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]是与[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awhile[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]相对应的，实际情况是要等很长时间，作者观点是等一下下就行了，这就是对比，这就是需要论证的地方。说实话，本题的作者的观点并不容易轻易地看出来，关键就是弄清[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awhile[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这个词的准确含义。[/size][/font])h6@.o)W)D'| o
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[b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]As far as[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. [b]Environmental destruction[/b] taking place outside their borders may sometimes[b] be fodder for[/b] government [b]pronouncements[/b] of concern, [b]but few concrete actions[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段是分析现实情况，指出现在的国家采取的具体措施太少。这里值得注意的就是本段回应了题目的第一句话，题目说可以淡化国界，这里就从现实出发，首先让步性的肯定了对于别国的事情会有关心，然后指出不会具体干涉，并在后面给出了事例的证明。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing.[b] But[/b] [b]the only effective deterrent[/b] to this activity, the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has[b] been stalled[/b] in the United Nations by those unwilling to "interfere" in the internal politics of other nations.[/size][/font]'j!G$D)R&Q M$|`5g
[b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/b][/align][align=left][b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Because of the differential impact [/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate[b] only modest environmental regulations[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段说具体的措施过于温和。本段与上一段的内在逻辑联系为：上一段说措施很少，本段说即使有，也过于温和。并在后面给出了具体的解释，为什么温和。同样在本句话前半句也给出了解释，即地区国家的不同会使得措施不力。这样就一共有两种解释。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of today's pollution-control measures will [b]be stacked against[/b] the unknown long-term effects of polluting actitivities.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本句话具体解释了在何时温和，由于那些长期影响的措施的力度不及短期影响的措施的力度，所以长期影响的措施显得有些温和了。并且在后面给出了引用的话来作为证明。作者引用的这句话很好，因为这句话本身就能充分的解释上述观点，这就给我们找例子提供了一条思路，即先想好并写好论证语言，然后再把它括起来，说是某个人说的。这样使得我们的文章看上去很生动避免了大段的说理，同时又能把事情给说清楚。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] "Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful? Show me the proof, " an air polluting company may demand.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]从上一段到这一段，内在的联系是十分紧密的，仔细揣摩，这里的论证方式就是具体[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]具体[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再具体，像是一个放大镜一样一步一步让我们看到我们关心的细节，先分析了有多少措施，有分析了这些措施里有多少是有用的。从而彻底的论证了目前的情况，让读者清楚的看到目前的现状，那就是：目前的情况不容乐观。[/size][/font]L iJn4f n)[
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Realistically, it [b]won't be until[/b] critical mass is achieved [b]that the hoped for [/b]"choice of unity and cooperation" [b]will be a viable one[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里实际上还是就着上一段中的长期效应来说的。作者从这里入手，提出了我们不应该忽略长期效应，并在本段后面解释了为什么不能忽略长期效应。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Only when[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] the earth as a whole is [b]so[/b] polluted [b]that [/b]life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the world's people [b]will there [/b]likely[b] be[/b] the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这是目前的现状，即没有大的灾难**不会出资。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]But[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] the optimists (read: environmental activists) among us continue to [b]believe that [/b]the world can be shown the error of its ways. They [b]continue to point out that [/b]the sky is probably falling--or at least developing a big hole. The world, as a whole, ignores them.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这几句话指出了其实现在问题已经在越来越严重了，我们并没有意识到这种严重，实际上大的灾难正在一步一步向我们逼近，并且从某些角度上来说灾难已经来临，如臭氧空洞。从而证明了段首句。[/size][/font]$Q"GTC/K"Hrc#|U0c
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow[b] be forced to realize that when[/b] the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be [b]too late to do[/b] anything about it. That would be a "common tragedy" indeed[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后一段指出了我们不能忽略，语言用的很好，这样的语言用法强调了不能忽略，并呼吁我们要重视长期的效应。和第一段的立场结合起来，就是我们要采取行动了，不能等太久。同学们，这篇文章其实思路非常清楚，就是先用放大镜从错综复杂的现实中逐步逐步的找到问题的关键所在，即长期效应没有给与充分的重视，然后再最后两段里指出了现在的认识是错误的，我们要给与足够的重视。从而又回归原题宗旨。总的思路就是[b]缩[/b][/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-[/size][/font][/b][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]缩[/size][/font][/b][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-[/size][/font][/b][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]放[/size][/font][/b][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-[/size][/font][/b][b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]放[/size][/font][/b][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
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[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]COMMENTARY[/size][/font][/b].f-|R@sv \fmA?
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superior facility with language.[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]While [b]acknowledging that environmental problems are serious[/b] and of global dimensions, the essay [b]explores the complexity of international cooperation[/b]. Such cooperation, the essay argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-- the unwillingness of nations to "interfere" with other nations through political measures such as restriction of foreign aid[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]-- [b]inadequate environmental regulations[/b], which are[b] caused both by[/b] "the differential impact of polluting activities" between countries and regions and[b] by the difficulty of comparing [/b]the "long-term effects of polluting activities" [b]with [/b]the more easily documented, short-term costs of reducing pollution.[/size][/font]ZPr1i+lpw
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The essay distinguishes itself in part by its excellent organization. [b]The first paragraph [/b]analyzes the claim and announces the writer's position; [b]the second and third paragraphs [/b]provide clear examples supporting that position. The skillful use of a quotation from a business person vividly illustrates the economic impact of pollution controls. [b]The last two paragraphs[/b] bring a sense of closure to the essay by continuing the theme announced in the first paragraph -- that cooperation must wait until more dire circumstances produce the political will necessary to reduce pollution.[/size][/font] P+tx*~)b
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The essay exhibits superior control of grammar and syntax, with only minor errors.
[b]Transitional phrases[/b] -- "because," "however," "for instance" -- help guide the reader through the argument.5V&YE'}'X/nry
Also, effective sentence variety and the use of precise word choice help confirm the score of 6.[/size][/font] F(k4[9u/jlN
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:21 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第四篇文章[/size][/font]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Sample Issue Topic[/size][/font][/b]I L }+g#i%d)Sg$P;V0w
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[b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]"In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly over-rated. We need more generalists — people who can provide broad perspectives." [/size][/font][/color][/b]*{/}(e+o+Tc
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]注：这篇文章我就不作分析了，因为本文是大家最喜欢分析的文章，所以网友们已经有了很多很多的分析版本，已经差不多把这篇文章的亮点都说出来了，我就尽量简单的分析，详细的大家可以看看后面的牛人前辈的分析。[/size][/font]C/S cP1~6]
[b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Benchmark 6
[color=darkred]In[/color][color=darkred] this era of [/color][/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, [b]both positive and negative effects[/b] among persons in Western society[b] call for a balance [/b]in which there are both specialists and generalists[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]首段给出了作者的态度，平衡观点。前面的状语貌似是废话，但是通过分词结构很好的暗示了后文的论证方向，即生活、精神。[/size][/font][/color]A,ii4U {.w K7t
[b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/b][/align][align=left][b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Specialists are necessary[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully [b]assimilate the masses of new information and knowledge [/b]that have come out of research and have been widely disseminated through mass global media[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]正文手段说专才好。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and I paraphrase): "I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focused individuals at each step that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon." [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]举的例子应该是作者编的，实际上作者原本这里应该是一大段说理的论证，为了使论证不冗长，而采用了这种手法使得论证从引用人的口中说出来。[/size][/font][/color][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This illustrates the point that our societies[b] level of knowledge and technology[/b] is at a stage in which there simply [b]must be specialists[/b] in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本句解释了引用的论据如何证明观点，也算是本段的一个总结句。[/size][/font][/color][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Simply put, [b]without specialists[/b], our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]和上一段的论证其实是本质一样的，都是说专才好。这里从反面进行论证，如果没有专才会怎么样。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the knowledge in any given area. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里的事例证明还不忘在前面进行小的让步，使得作者的证明很严谨。我们应该学习这一点，在我们的文章里在证明一个观点的同一段里，不妨也在某些地方进行小的让步，显出我们很有思辨性。同志们，让步这种思想不能只出现在段落之间，而要贯穿在全文才行。[/size][/font][/color]
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]On the other hand,[b] Over specialization[/b] means [b]narrow foci[/b] in which people can lose the larger picture[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt].[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段论证过分专才也不好，这里值得注意的是，文章总的论证方向是专才好、通才也好。但是如何衔接上这两个方向使得并不唐突呢？本文的连接就是天衣无缝，专才好[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]=[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]〉过分专才不好[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]=[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]〉通才好，这样就在专才和通才的内部建立起了逻辑联系，使得连接的很自然。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we learn from a narrow focus may be [b]internally logically coherent[/b] but may be[b] irrelevant or fallacious[/b] within the framework of a broader perspective. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这是第一个层次证明过分专才不好，即在更广的视野里可能是无关的。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the whole body is hard and white. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这是第二个层次证明过分专才不好，即可能带来错误的结果。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Useful [b]conclusions[/b] and thus perhaps useful [b]inventions[/b] must come by [b]sharing among specialists[/b].[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里就转到了解决问题的方法，即专才间的合作。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it is only when one can make with them [b]a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture.[/b][/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里讲到应该怎么样才行，看到更大的范围。暗示了后文要讲通才。我们要注意这里留下的伏笔“[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]picture[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]”[/size][/font][/color]%Z7pF\A:U8m0nm
[b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Not only may over-specialization[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of knowledge, but it can [b]also serve to drown moral or universal issues[/b][/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]从另一方面来说，过分专才不好，然后马上就转到了通才好的论证上，至此文章已经很好的完成了论证的衔接。[/size][/font][/color][b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Generalists and only generalists[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] can see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]看到[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]broad enough picture[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]了吗，这就回应了上一段的伏笔，回答了上一段的问题。只有通才才能看到更大的范围，所以过分专才带来的问题也只有通过通才才能解决。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]With specialization, each person focuses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion, and new technologies are driven ahead. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再次肯定专才的优点，实际上这篇文章看上去是平衡观点，但实际上是吗？很显然作者还是略微青睐于专才的，只是想通过通才的优点互补来解决专才所存在的一些问题的。我们在写作文的时候很多同学推崇完全的平衡观点各打五十大板，我对此是持怀疑态度的：在美国人眼中，人是要有主见的。我们如果各支持一半实际上可以看成是逃避问题，或者没有主见。所以说，最好还是要有自己的倾向，这是我们的个性，所谓的平衡只是想让论证思路更为严谨。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Meanwhile no individual can see the holistic view of our global existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里谈到了通才的存在可以促进的为专才的成长。[/size][/font][/color][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]&j7k R'E.VG l
[/size][/font][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant [b]personal and psychological compartmentalization[/b][/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段说到了心理问题，照应了文章开头首句所暗示的结构。即在心理问题上，过分专才会有什么后果。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university) and must consciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their small and isolated universe. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]过分专才有什么不好的地方。[/size][/font][/color][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Not only does this make for narrowly focused and generally poorly-educated individuals, but it guarantees[b] a sense of loss of community,[/b] often followed by a feeling of psychological displacement and personal dissatisfaction. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]进而引申过分专才在人的心理层面（社会感）有什么不好的。[/size][/font][/color]6L&Y*`Z R}
[b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/b][/align][align=left][b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Without generalists[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. [b]Without a society that[/b] recognizes the importance of broad-mindedness and for sharing generalities, individuals become isolated.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]双[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]without[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]结构是无数人所推崇的结尾闪光模式，但是遗憾的是已经闪了很多年了，现在在考官眼里可能就不那么闪了。更为重要的是，我们总是在用它当作总结句统领全文，但是，这里这句话并不是总结性质的话阿！真正的总结性质的话在下一句呢！那么这一句是干什么的呢？同志们，这一句还是属于正文段落的论证体系阿！不信吗，我来给大家梳理一下全文的脉络：[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]specialist=>without specialist=>over-specialization=>generalist=>[b]without generalist[/b][/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。同志们，看到了没，没有最后这一点全文的论证就不够完善，但是估计作者没有单起一段是因为前面已经论证的很充分了，这里就从简好了。所以说，双[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]without[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]结构并不一定是结尾总结的好武器，在这里仅仅是一个完善论证的狗尾续貂而已。[/size][/font][/color][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Thus, [b]while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important[/b]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句是全文的观点，也照应了首段。[/size][/font][/color][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field and know what the stakes are.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]具体的再次的解释了上面的观点，目的是体现作者所提出的观点是个复杂的观点。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/color][/align]$q:\"~6Q&h3kk
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[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Reader Comment on 6[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This outstanding response displays insightful analysis, meticulous development, impressive vocabulary and a mastery of the elements of effective writing. The writer disagrees with the stated opinions by arguing that specialists and generalists are both vital: [b]specialists prevent us from[/b] becoming "bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload," [b]while generalists provide help to see[/b] "the big picture" and, unlike specialists, protect our "greater good." [/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The essay is carefully constructed throughout, enabling the reader to [b]move effortlessly from point to point[/b] as the writer examines the multi-faceted implications of the issue and provides compelling reasons and examples to support the premise and take the argument to an effective conclusion. Although other "6" responses may not be as eloquent as this essay, they nevertheless all display the test taker's ability to articulate complex ideas effectively and precisely.[/size][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:35 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第五篇文章[/size][/font]}&Ny0f Q"GO
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Topic: Duty of Educators[/size][/font][/b](L E/w d |3kqK
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them. It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them."[/size][/font][/b]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]SAMPLE-1 (score 6)[/size][/font][/b]
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The statement above [b]conceals[/b] infesting [b]connotations[/b] far above curriculum development[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [color=darkred]Issues of [b]classroom control[/b] and [b]development of scholarly talents[/b] are at stake,[b] not[/b] simply a debate over which[b] books are acceptable[/b] or [b]over revisionist histories[/b].[/color][/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这个题目分析了题目[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，指出了题目中的隐含假设，指出关键问题不是选那些课的问题，关于教育质量（课堂控制和发展学生潜力）还有更为重要的事情需要我们关注。这就使作者的观点，这样的观点显得作者思维很复杂，这就是[/size][/font][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]要求的复杂态度，认识问题的复杂性。[/size][/font]
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The statement itself is a bit [b]misleading[/b] in that in my experience, [b]student control [/b]over curriculum [b]hardly existed[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段指出学生控制课程这件事几乎就不存在。这里首先对题目中的观点进行了分析，部分同意了题目的观点，并具体结了为什么学生控制课程不可行。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Each year, [b]there were [/b]certain course offerings made available, and students were to choose from those offerings, of course[b] bearing[/b] in mind requirements for graduation set forth by the administration. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里让步说确实存在一些学生可以从中自由选择的课程。我注意到后面还用了一个[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]bearing[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]现在分词，指出了也使在完成学业的驱使下，这样的修饰语使得让步之后人们心里清楚并不是完全的自由。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]On a classroom level[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], the immediate, initial material may have been somewhat directed by the students, [b]but [/b]this was a part of the process allowed by the teacher/professor in order to gain the interest and attention of the students.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里继续让步说确实在课堂上学生学习时可以自由的选择材料。同样的，[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]but[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]后面又一次反驳了，指出这也是在老师的安排下想让学生更有兴趣。这样前面的两个让步均在让步本身就打了折扣，作者在自己的逻辑内部就予以了反驳。后面的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]however[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，作者乘胜追击进行了彻底的反驳。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [b][color=maroon]However[/color][/b][color=maroon],[b] too much[/b] of any one thing becomes [b]problematic[/b][/color];[b][color=maroon] letting students set the curriculum[/color][/b], as with letting students choose and design their own major in college,[b][color=maroon] serves ultimately to dilute the quality of the educational experience[/color] [/b]unless a single advisor can devote significant amounts of time to the individual student. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里是本段的中心句，指出了完全由学生选择课程会使得教育的质量打折扣。作者在提出自己的观点时，不忘给自己留了一条后路，就是除非老师都能为每个同学花大量的时间指导。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This amount of time, or even the expense to the student of this individual attention, seem to indicate that resources would be better allocated elsewhere.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句一出，上面的后路就被堵上了，作者指出即使有这样多的时间，那干点更有意义的事情会更好。其实作者说这两句话的目的就是首先假设了可能会有人不服，然后就替那个不服的人说理，然后自己解释。这样的手法在官方满分范文中屡见不鲜。这就是所谓的交流性气氛。在自己的文章里包容别人的观点并客观的分析别人的观点使得文章真的无可辩驳，论证很令人信服。要是总是一家之言就狭隘了。[/size][/font]
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Of course, any school in which [b]the students decide [/b]"what goes" is bound to have[b] problems controlling students[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. Once the educators, be they administrators or teachers, are under the control of students, even a democratic situation would be like holding royalty acountable to the mob. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这两句话是过渡句，仍与上一自然段衔接，用一幅画面形象的形容了一旦完全由学生控制了课堂会有什么“可怕的”后果。这里作者是想通过把问题说的极端化，从而顺利的引向问题的另一个方向，即由老师来控制的可行性。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Presently, students hear for hours that they should not forget to use a condom in the heat of the moment, and educators think the message gets through, while half the kids can't even remember to bring a pencil to class. [b][color=maroon]Students go to school [/color][/b][color=maroon]not to simply learn the Pythagorean theorem, but [b]to learn direction and receive guidance[/b]. This [b]cannot occur[/b] when students [b]are in charge, and standards[/b][/color], already hard to find in America's contemporary public schools, [color=maroon]will become unenforceable[/color]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]以上通过一个事例来证明学生不听老师的话，记不住些最基本的东西，是因为老师的权威并不够，是因为老师没有强力的措施，如果老师的措施狠的话这些就不会发生。并且在这个事例中点出了本段的中心句，即学生来学校是来接受指导的。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]If students dictate and administrators do, students will never learn academic responsibility, and if they can't be held accountable for homework, what other responsibilities will they avoid when they get older?[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]继续深化证明本论点，学生完全控制会有什么后果，最后引伸到学生的人生生涯中，使得论断更为有力。[/size][/font]
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]But in another sense, teachers and students do exist in a [b]partnership [/b]of sorts[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]提出本文的第二个论点，即学生与老师实际上存在着各种各样的搭档关系。也是逐步深化向教育的本质。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [b]Teachers[/b] are there to satisfy the needs of the student, and [b]the student[/b], while perhaps not being the most experienced/ knowledgeable person on what his/her needs actually are (versus wants), at least should be afforded some say.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]解释教师和学生各自的特点。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] In addition, [color=maroon]we must remember what the[b] purpose of education[/b] is, and that there are different levels of education[/color].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里已经从教师学生的关系引向了教育的本质，作者把这里的讨论分成了几个部分，分不同情况来讨论教育的目的。这也是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中要求的将一个论题应用于不同方面。[/size][/font].SGf.k wX
[b][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/b][/align][align=left][b][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]In high school[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], the focus is[b] not [/b]so much on learning actual material. [b]The focus is on developing study habits, and on social interaction.[/b] [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句是本段的主题句。这里是第一个方面，在中学教育的目标是什么。分成了两点学习习惯和社交能力。同时什么是不重要的。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The b[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]est secondary schools promote an environment in which individual creativity and pacing can be developed, where students are taught to think on their own, and learn to debate and argue in a scholarly way, through writing and other formal methods of discourse. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一个论据证明在中学学习习惯指的是哪些方面，如何培养。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Group collaboration and interpersonal skills are developed and honed. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二点证明在中学中社交能力具体指的是什么。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The actual details of what is studied and tested is of less importance. Whether a student reads Maya Angelou, or Yeats, or Euripides essentially is beside the point [b]as long as[/b] a student's mind is cultivated, not just their ability to record and recite. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第三个论据证明的是在中学学习中什么是不重要的，即学习的内容本身不重要。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]What is important is that secondary students develop and grow in the hands of the professionals.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]有了以上的论证，这里就顺利的引向了全文的中心，紧扣原文的主题，即由于学习习惯社交能力是教师们培养的，而它们又是特别重要的，所以教师的指导对于中学学生也就特别重要。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] The secondary educational experience is designed to prepare a student for college. It is[color=maroon] [b]in college[/b] [/color]where the individual learns to[b] examine the world[/b] and [b]how it works[/b], and [b]the individual's place[/b] in it.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里是第二个层面，即大学里教育的目标是什么。实际上这里的意思是在大学里才开始关注中学中所不关注的[/size][/font][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]actual material[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，即知识本身。从强调句的应用就能够看出作者的意图。这个强调句用得就很好，与文章的论证结构完全一致。[/size][/font][/color] |R!C'X GV Q`
[color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=darkred][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]As for duty, it is [b]the educators' duty[/b] not simply to determine the curriculum, but to [b]present it effectively[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段是紧接着上一段的论证的，由于上面讲到了教育的目的是什么，（不管是大学还是高中，教师的作用都是很明显的）于是就要求教师更好的讲课。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]They cannot half-heartedly paint it on the blackboard, they must enliven it and actually teach. Hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished.[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]从正反两方面论证教师应该怎么样不应该怎么样[/size][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。[/size][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]These are the duties of teachers, and [b]the duty of the students[/b] is not just to learn or study, but [b]to grow[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这句话和段首句加起来就是本段的中心句，教师的责任是什么学生的责任是什么。本句也有过度的意味，下面说的就是学生应该怎么做。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]An[b] independent mind[/b] is what students need, and that mind has to be in a position to want and be able to [b]question beyond[/b] the material presented, not simply to question its legitimacy.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]学生要学会在[/size][/font][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]actual material[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]之上提出问题，看出来了是紧接上一段了把。不仅是紧接上一段，还有所升华。[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]That distinction, though subtle, is the difference between letting the students follow a self-destructive course of premature self-determination on the one hand , and permitting on the other hand the fostering of great talents through a cooperative, mentoring relationship[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后这一句话总结了全文，后半句话是作者的核心观点。用几个词分别高度凝炼了作者的思想和原题的思想，并让人一眼就看出好坏。[/size][/font],DUVZ3V+F?6P+P
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/b][/align][align=left][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]COMMENTARY[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This is an insightful, well-articulated discussion of curricular responsibility and the larger issue of academic responsibility. After a brief [b]introduction examining assumptions [/b]implied by the topic, the writer skillfully develops the [b]position that letting students dictate the curriculum could dilute the educational experience[/b]. [b]Allowing students to determine the curriculum[/b], the writer claims, will[b] deny them the guidance and direction[/b] they need to learn academic responsibility.[/size][/font] W T`+B v ^
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The line of reasoning is [b]strengthened by the discussion of how teachers and students can work in partnership [/b]to satisfy the needs of students. The argument is [b]further advanced with concrete examples[/b] [b]from high school courses[/b] showing how teachers provide guidance for students through group collaboration, development of interpersonal skills, and preparation for college. [b]The examples are varied[/b] (from condom use to reading Angelou, Yeats, or Euripides) [b]and used effectively to further support [/b]the writer's position.[/size][/font] c:Os LI
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]In the conclusion, the writer[b] thoughtfully discusses how [/b]educators should [b]not only[/b] determine the curriculum[b] but[/b] present it in an enlivened and appropriate manner. [b]The final sentence,[/b] [b]contrasting[/b] a "self-destructive course of premature self-determination" [b]and[/b] "a cooperative, mentoring relationship," [b]ties the essay together[/b].[/size][/font]ll2A3X)u g:_
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The essay is clearly organized, although the writer does not rely on conventional phrases (such as "first," "second," etc.) to signal the organizational structure. Instead, the organization and focus progress [b]through the line of reasoning[/b] that moves fluently and coherently from one paragraph to the next.[/size][/font]#{&_9v:oQi C|'@F
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Language use is generally precise and effective (e.g., "holding royalty accountable to the mob"), and sentence structure is well controlled (e.g., "hard work must be lauded, while freeloaders are punished"). The few errors are minor, the kind that can easily be made -- and forgiven -- under testing conditions.[/size][/font]'Pd:L+v \M;B/| i ~
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This outstanding response received a score of 6.[/size][/font][/align]
[/size][/font] S1z PF/Q2c-gFn
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:35 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第六篇文章[/size][/font]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Topic: Best Ideas[/size][/font][/b]
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]"The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."[/size][/font][/b]9SD\^4Ef$[7?
[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]SAMPLE-1 (score 6)[/size][/font][/b] d+~"| Z z a_3[
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Even the most brilliant thinkers, from Socrates to Satre, live lives in time. A childhood, an adolescence, an adulthood; these are[b] common to me and you as well as[/b] the greatest writers.[b] Furthermore[/b], many of the great thinkers we esteem in our Western culture lived somewhat uneventful lives.[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]前面的铺垫说明伟人也和我们一样，生活本身是平凡的。[/size][/font][/color][b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]What distinguished their life from say a common laborer was their work[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里指出了是伟人的作品才使伟人成为伟人。这里看似是一个简单的背景陈述，实际上作者的目的是简化讨论的范围，排除了时代背景的差异的因素。有了这样的铺垫，我们后面的论述就可以只关注伟人的作品，而不用讨论时代背景。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Therefore,[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] what provided the grist for their work? One might say that they were brilliant and this alone was sufficient to distinguish their lives from the masses. Intellect alone can not devise situations or thoughts from no where;[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里的背景铺垫是排除了伟人本身智商的因素。从而再次使问题简化。[/size][/font][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]there must be a basis and that [b]basis is[/b] most common, if not always, [b]observation of the common[/b], [b]of the quotidian[/b].[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本句话是主题句，清楚的点明了伟人依靠的究竟是什么东西，即对平常事务的观察。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Criti[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]cs of this idea may argue that these thinkers were products of fine educations and were well schooled in the classics. This, they may point to,[b] is the real basis for their knowledge[/b].[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]提出了一种可能的反驳的看法[/size][/font][/color][b][color=maroon][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]实际上通过后面的回答达到了使问题再次简化的目的。[/size][/font][/color][b][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]I would argue[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] that although it[b] may be[/b] a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits [b]merely[/b] refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature.[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]我们发现每一次作者在假设反对意见并回答时，总是先让步的承认一些，再提出自己的观点。这样的的做法的优点是显而易见的，使得文章很有说服力，因为文章这样的结构让那些像挑刺反驳的人没脾气，同时在官方的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中要求我们要考虑哪些观点会反对我们的观点，并学会合理的解释澄清，看来官方范文确实做到了[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中的要求。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Where best to study human nature than in the day to day routine each one of us[b] can [/b]witness in him or herself or those around us.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里的后半句话的意思不就是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]obserbation of the common[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]吗，这里就是再次解释了主题句。从这个开头我们可以看出来，核心是第一个棕红色的句子，其他的都是为说明这个句子而服务，目的是简化命题排除他因，只不过前面的是事实分析，后面的是假设反驳再回答。显得很有多样性。[/size][/font]
[color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]I propose that the two best disciplines to understand this power of the commonplace and its ability to cause a groundswell of thought are [b]philosophy[/b] and [b]literature[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本句话统领了全文的论证，指出了要从哲学和文学两个方面论证。这里也对应[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]上的两点，一是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]告诉我们要把一个命题应用到不同的领域去，看看具体是什么情况，第二是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]告诉我们我们的观众是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]academic audience[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，所以选择领域的时候就有讲究了，最好要选择学术化的，[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]academic audience[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]所熟识的，这样才更容易产生共鸣。哲学和文学就是大学里很重要的课程阿。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [color=maroon]Every school of philosophy, from the Greeks to our day, share a common mission or intent and that is to understand and explain human existence, with all of its concomitant features[/color].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段后面是论证哲学家（分两类哲学家进行讨论）是通过平常事物来了解自身的。这里是第一个分支论点。这句话指出了所有的哲学流派的共同点都是要解释人类存在。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Generally speaking[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], the Greek philosophers, epitomized in Aristotle, [b]attempted to set down rules [/b]for human behavior founded on logic. These rules applied not only to the rare forms of human behavior[b] but largely focused on the more mundane motions[/b] of daily life. Many of Aristotle's rules were based on his observations of others as well as himself.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]到这里为止论证了苏派哲学家们通过观察平常的事物来了解人类的存在。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] Contrast this venture with the existentialists of our century who attempted to look behind the real motivations of human behavior as well understand man's relation to the Universe. To do this, what did these philosophers do? They studied those around them; they submerged themselves in the [b]commonplace[/b], in cities with hordes of anonymous people.[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]到这里为止论证了存在主义哲学家们也使通过把自己置身于平常事务中去才去探索人类的存在。这里和上一小层构成了两个不同的时间序列，即古代的哲学家到现代的哲学家，这样使得证明更加有力。同学们这里有一点可能是大家不知道的，根据我查的资料，所谓的[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]existentialist[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]就是指近代的哲学家，他们中的代表人物就是[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]sartre[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，而上一层次所说的[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]greek philosophers[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]指的是经典的古代的哲学家，他们中的代表人物有[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Socrates[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，发现什么了吗？原来这两个人物就是开头的第一句话提出来的！人家官方范文是如此完美的用开头暗示了全文的结构，又是如此充分的用论证证明了开头。由此我不得不想起来新东方某老师分析本文开头的时候说到“这开头就是吓唬人的，提出两个人名显牛[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]b[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，后面压根没有提到有关[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Socrates[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，[/size][/font][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]sartre[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]两人的情况”，同学们，是没有提到吗？！还是这位新东方老师没有看出来呢。我想说的只是，新东方老师说的不是真理，有错的时候，而且有的时候会误导大家，所以只能参考，最重要的就是[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]ets[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]官方给的所有的材料，只有这些材料弄透了才是最有价值的。[/size][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]While the existentialists, as well those philosophers before, exploited their uncommon education and intellect, the basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后解释了一下尽管这些思想家工作不平凡，但是最本质的来源都是平凡的。[/size][/font][/color] c'H!B0L[!` aX8bQ
[color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Finally,[b] literature is similar to philosophy[/b] in that it seeks to [b]explain and understand human behavior[/b] and therefore [b]rooted in the commonplace[/b][/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段论证文学的方面。首先在第一句就指出了和哲学有相同之处，从而在后面就只讨论不同之处，即文学相对于哲学的特点。这样的论证手法是很好的，避免了论证的重复，使得论证更为有效。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Nevertheless, its relative strength over philosophy is [b]literature's ability to[/b] emotionally and spiritually [b]move the reader through the use[/b] of contrived situations [b]and fictional characters[/b]. It can do this when even the central theme of a piece maybe love between a man and a woman (e.g. commonplace). [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一个特点就是文学由于可以任意创作所以有更强的感染力，能使得读者更为感动，尤其是涉及爱情的方面。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Literature also distinguishes itself from philosophy[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [b]in that[/b] the breadth of the fiction may be huge. The [b]plot and the detail [/b]can be quite ordinary or fanatastic. [b]However, this does not mean that the central themes [/b]of all literature, whether ordinary or fantastic, deal with human beings and the problems they find in the world, something which we all share.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二点的意思比较不容易理解，文学还有一个特点就是特别长，尽管文学作品在细节上可能是有些幻想的色彩，但是从中心思想上来说，一定是来源于人们平常生活的思想，一定是要反映某些普通的事物。打个比方来说，鲁迅先生的作品中的血馒头存在吗？其内涵是为了表达对于生活中的事物的感想，从中心思想上来说还是反映真实生活的。[/size][/font]9]0y`/Qc NoN
[color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/color][/align][align=left][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]In conclusion, I hope it has been shown that a[b] passionate desire to understand and explain human behavior[/b],[b] the significance of our existence[/b] and[b] deal constructively with the challenges of life[/b] are the centerpieces of at least in two of the most influential areas in human thought. What is more commonplace than the existence of man.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后一段不仅是总结了前文，而且还在境界上上了一个层次。所谓平凡的事情，不只是人类的存在本身，更是理解我们的行为、存在的意义、迎接生活的挑战（三者的顺序是先后顺序）。作者在这里对文章进行了一个升华，将平凡的定义扩大了一下。从而使不仅使文章境界上了一层，而且使文章更加不容易被反驳。（这三项都是一般人认为的很高的境界，如果他们都是来源于平凡的，那一切的牛[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]b[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]的东东都是来源于平凡的了）[/size][/font][/color][font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]O q7MK9z6o'|N
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[b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]COMMENTARY[/size][/font][/b]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This essay sustains a well-focused and insightful analysis of the issue. [b]Beginning with the observation that[/b] the greatest thinkers "live lives in time," [b]the writer reasons that [/b]the great thinkers develop their ideas through observation of common occurrences and everyday reality. [b]One of the strengths [/b]of this essay is the way in which it thoughtfully [b]considers the opposing claim[/b]: that great thinkers are primarily the product of fine education, and that, being "well schooled in the classics," they are far removed from everyday life. [b]The writer notes that[/b],[b] while[/b] it "may be a benefit to study classics," [b]it is nevertheless true that[/b] being "well schooled in diverse disciplines" will simply "refine and hone an ability to study human nature" in its everyday manifestations. This observation is[b] indicative [/b]of the writer's sophisticated[b] grasp of the complexities[/b] of the issue.[/size][/font] {"q!D9^ j(c
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The writer goes on [b]to demonstrate[/b] the intellectual "power of the commonplace" [b]by skillfully developing two compelling examples[/b] from academic life: [b]philosophy and literature[/b]. Aristotle is cited as a philosopher who studied the "more mundane motions of daily life." [b]Similarly, the writer explains, twentieth-century existentialists[/b], in attempting to understand man's relation to the universe, found inspiration in the commonplace.[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Another strength in this essay is [b]the way it introduces an idea and then builds on that idea as the argument unfolds[/b]. For instance, in a discussion of the existentialists in the second paragraph, the writer expands on an earlier point about "thinkers" in general: the existentialists may have "exploited their uncommon education and intellect," but the "basis for their movement was ordinary human behavior and existence." It is[b] logical connections[/b] such as these that [b]make for a coherent and well-focused discussion[/b].[/size][/font]y3G7um2z4y
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The writer uses language fluently and controls sophisticated syntax throughout the essay: "I would argue that although it may be a benefit to study classics and be well schooled in diverse disciplines, these pursuits merely refine and hone an ability each and every person has, the ability to study human nature."[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]This is not a flawless paper: word choice, for example, is not always precise. But the essay's cogent analysis, effective organization, and sophisticated sentence structure merit a solid score of 6.[/size][/font][/align]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:36 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][align=left][font=宋体]第七篇文章[/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]yhh9Y0Q:Bx _
[b]"Wisdom is rightfully attributed not to people who know what to look for in life but to people who know what to overlook."[/b]
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[align=left][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]SAMPLE-6 (score 6)[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align]
[align=left][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The quotation is [b]certainly correct[/b], insofar as it describes at least an element of wisdom[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一句肯定了原题，但是我们注意到，后面加上了一句[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]insofar as[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]，这是作者精心设计的，目的是说忽略确实是一种美德，但只是众多美德中的一种。这种很严谨的措辞是[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]gre[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]考试所特有的。[/size][/font][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]In other words, I do agree with the proposition, [b]subject to the proviso[/b] that the achievement of wisdom[b] may well[/b] also involve other traits or attributes.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二句话和第一句话意思一样，但是为什么要说两次呢？这是因为作者认为自己第一句的这种措辞很牛，他认为是自己的文章的亮点，但又怕阅卷人一眼看不出来，所以就又强调了一下。顺序为从较隐晦的形容进步到直白的表述，让人一眼就明白作者的立场。[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]
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Having qualified my answer somewhat, I must endorse the principles put forth in the quotation. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里是个小引子，告诉我们作者下面要做的事情就是先同意原文的论述。为什么不直接写论点句呢？这也是作者精心设计的，这句话的作用是暗示后文的脉络。使得读者通过这里就能知道作者的行文方向。使人容易跟上作者的思路。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [color=maroon]Overlooking -- or, perhaps, forgetting -- [b]is a crucial skill [/b]one needs to master in order to[b] navigate the often-treacherous paths[/b] of life without undue torment[/color]. [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这是第一个论点句。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]From [/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]my own experience, [b]and from[/b] observations of friends, family members and business associates, I am [b]well aware of [/b]the pitfalls which await those who fail to overlook the petty, the unnecessary and the irrelevant.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句引向具体的事例，我自己的经历，在[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]awintro[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]中曾经强调想想有什么可以和自己的经历相结合的。这里就是这样做的，看来不能完全是名人的例子。加入一些切身经历是很有必要的。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]
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[b][color=black]In modern America, as it happens, the importance of overlooking is probably greater than ever before.[/color][/b][/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段就是具体的我所观察到的事例，支持了上一段的论点。实际上本段与上一段应该是相连的。[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] Even a person trying to lead a quiet, simple life encounters an endless stream of annoyances, errors and petty demands[b] such as[/b] paperwork, filing numbers and taxes; long lines at the bank; exponentially aggravating traffic jams and sullen, uncooperative coworkers and neighbors.[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]具体展开烦心事都有哪些。这里的论证是：即使是最避世的人也会有很多的麻烦，所以言下之意就是当代北美所有的人都会碰到很多麻烦的，实际上这里的论证使用了一种极端的手法，使得论证更为有力。[/size][/font][/color][b][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Those of us who cannot overlook such annoyances will invariably succumb to self-defeating dismay.[/size][/font][/color][/b][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这一句指向原文的中心论点，在第一层的最后很好的点了题。同时也提醒我们所有的例证之后要把话题引回之前的中心论点。而且注意到这里的是如果不能忽略的话，会有什么后果。从反面进行论证使得文章更为有力，也更能起到警示的作用。[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]
[color=maroon]The ability to overlook also [b]reflects a healthy sense of proportion and priorities[/b][/color].[/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第二个分支论点，即忽略也可以反映出我们对于事物孰轻孰重的把握的能力。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The wise "overlooker" will ignore his or her spouse's failings after making a considered judgment that these are outweighed,[b] in the long run,[/b] by greater and more significant strengths.[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]第一个论据强调的是在更大的立场上来看，从更长远的目标来看，应该忽略错误而看到更多的优点。从这里的论证我们就能看出作者对于全文的结构的把握。第二自然段第三自然段说的是生活中的琐事，实际上是强调忽略对于短期有什么影响，而本段的论证就近了一个层次，讨论站在长期利益的角度。[/size][/font][b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]for example[/size][/font][/b][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], what wise or reasonable person would destroy a marriage solely because an otherwise faithful, kind, generous, intelligent and prosperous partner occasionally tosses socks on the floor?[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]正面的例子。这里的举例子的措辞值得学习，看上去只有一个问句，但是作者通过添加修饰语成分巧妙的表达了自己的意思，我们看到在形容伴侣时作者不惜笔墨的连用了[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]5[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]个好的形容词！这句话作者通过[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]wise or resonable[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这个形容词已经表达出了自己的态度。实际上我认为这就是中国人和美国人之间的差别。我们写的句子，由于中文没有那么多的修饰成分，所以过于舒散，而美国人，则可以[b]在句子内部，[/b]利用修饰成分，自然而然的，表达出自己的立场。也许是因为计算机起源于西方吧，我总感觉计算机编程语言和英文的表述习惯很像。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] !u~1Y*f&b3Uqr
[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][b]An elderly aunt of mine makes a striking example[/b]. Long widowed, she now spends her days sitting in her apartment, carping endlessly about the many relatives who have slighted her. Nobody calls enough. Nobody pays her any attention. Nobody cares, she says. And, indeed, why should they? Who wants to visit with someone, elderly or otherwise, who does nothing but complain, find fault and scour for slights? [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]本段是第二个例子，反面的例子，从反面证明了如果不能忽略的话会有什么后果。同志们，这里的例子仍然是平凡人身辨认的例子，看来是没有必要全用名人的例子。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]Were she wiser, perhaps she would ignore or even suppress her interminable grievances and take more interest in the world at large, including the very individuals whose attention she purportedly craves.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后一句是起到点题的作用，总结整个第二个论证点。我们注意到这里的论证采用了反面的反面，即假设的正面。这种正反正的论证方法使得论证显得很有立体感。也能体现出作者的思辩性。[/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体] [/font][/align][align=left][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][color=maroon]The paradigm of overlooking applies with equal force in the worlds of[b] business[/b] and[b] politics[/b]. [/color][/size][/font][color=black][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]分领域进行论证。前面两个论证点证明的是忽略对于短期长期的影响，而这里证明的是在不同领域中会有什么影响。同志们，这种既有深度，又有广度的的文章值得我们学习。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]L[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]ook at Richard Nixon: a brilliant, often original thinker, he was nonetheless continually obsessed with minutiae and the unimportant. On some level, I'm sure, he himself realized the dramatic impact of such a glaring character flaw; when the situation was long past salvaging, he exhorted his staff and friends to "Never be petty," a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]对于名人的例子，我们注意作者是怎么举这样的名人的例子，作者对于水门事件只字未提，而是假设了大家都知道的。这就告诉我们，对于名人的例子，重要的不是向阅卷人介绍事情，而是利用事情来证明我们的观点。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]
[color=maroon]More prosaically, in business and everyday life, it is indeed the wise person who overlooks or ignores a vast amount[/color].[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]最后推广到普通人，点题，指向原题中聪明一词。本段是在美国人眼中的升华，美国人和我们是不一样的，我们的升华一般就是上升到社会层面，为了实现伟大的民族复兴什么的，而美国人没有太强的国家概念，他们最为注重的是个人，所以几乎在所有的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]ets[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]范文中，最后的文章升华都是上升到个人层面。这一点是需要我们改变的思维模式。[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] Why come home every day nurturing a grudge? Why spend time grappling with activities, people or attitudes which bring nothing but pain and torment? Still, most of us do, at least somewhat, and find ourselves far diminished for it.[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]为什么要连问两个问题呢？这是因为作者认为肯定有大部分人心中承认作者所提出来的符合自己的情况，这也是作者把握住了共性的心理。然后，在读者心中感叹确实是这样的同时，作者自然而然的提出了自己的观点，让人很容易信服！最后一句指出了现实生活中差距。实际上也是指出我们目前需要努力的方向。[/size][/font][/align][align=left][font=宋体] [/font][/align][align=left][color=maroon][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]In sum, I think it's safe to say that [b]much[/b] in this world [b]merits not [/b]even a [b]cursory examination[/b], and those among us are [b]wiser and happier[/b] who can successfully [b]budget their time and energy [/b]in order to avoid negativity.[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=新宋体][size=10.5pt]最后一段很好的总结了全文的观点，同样也只是一个句子，通过我所加粗的修饰语，表达出了作者的复杂的观点。[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/color][/align]
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[b]COMMENTARY[/b]
This is a thoughtful, well-articulated analysis of the issue. z rJ4a ~ w yE+v8V S#|%F
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The response opens with a [b]clear endorsement[/b] of the stated claim, [b]along with[/b] an acknowledgement that wisdom involves additional traits.[/size][/font]
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The writer then begins building an argument that modern life is [b]so full of[/b] "petty annoyances" that it would be "self-defeating" to pay much attention to them.!J3x] z9I;`Ev
Using, first, [b]examples that illustrate the trivial demands [/b]encountered everyday (e.g., paperwork, traffic jams), the[b] analysis moves on to[/b] personal types of experiences (a partner’s annoying habits; an aunt’s self-pity) [b]and then to[/b] politics, where, the writer implies, Nixon met his political demise at least partly because of his obsession with "minutiae and the unimportant."
The examples clearly [b]support the writer’s position[/b] and[b] lead[/b] effectively [b]to the concluding observation [/b]about learning to "budget" our time and energy to avoid the negative aspects of life.
In several places, the [b]skillful use of questions [/b]helps move the analysis along.
And throughout, the skillful use of sentence variety and precise vocabulary combine to convey meaning effectively, as in this excerpt: "when the situation was long past salvaging, he [Nixon] exhorted his staff and friends to ‘Never be petty,’ a dictum he honored far more in the breach than in the observance."M J Q ` S#gB;bj
This kind of insightful, articulate analysis merits a score of 6[/size][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:32 编辑 [/i]] [font=Tahoma][size=12pt][align=left][align=left][font=宋体]第八篇文章[/font][font=Tahoma]
Topic: It is important for higher education to challenge established traditions and values.
SAMPLE-6 (SCORE 6)5]&F Q)IH
[color=maroon]I feel it is impossible to not recognize the validity of this argument[/color].[color=maroon] It is important for higher education to challenge established traditions and values! [/color][/font][color=black][font=宋体]第一[/font][/color][font=宋体]句话就开门见山的提出了看法，基本上就是复述。[/font][color=maroon][font=Tahoma]Certainly in our society there are many traditions and values worth adhering to; however, if we refuse to challenge them, them we are accepting the status quo [b]without realizing the full potential of other opportunities[/b][/font][/color][font=Tahoma]. [/font][font=宋体]先进行一个小的让步，然后引出作者的真实的态度，实际上作者的真实态度是要先认真思考之后，才决定要不要保留某种传统。所以说作者首先是同意了原文，紧接着就认为原文的观点过于简单，于是就在此基础之上，表达了自己的复杂的观点。这是符合[/font][font=Tahoma]awintro[/font][font=宋体]中的关于复杂观点的定义的。这告诉我们当我们遇到较为简单的题目的时候应该如何处理？应该尽量的加入原文中所没有考虑到的东西，使之成为一个复杂的观点。[/font][color=maroon][font=Tahoma]Higher education and all other levels of education should challenge their students [b]to think[/b] not only about English, history, or math, but [b]about the inherent values and traditions[/b] implied in those areas as well, because the [b]questioning of these things requires thoughtful consideration and conviction, times and societal influences change[/b], and [b]worthwhile traditions and values will stand the test of time[/b].[/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体]全文的核心观点就是要对于任何传统进行思考，我们看到这里加粗的部分说思考所需要的三点：深度的思考、对于时代变化的考虑、有价值的会永久。这不正是全文的论证思路吗？不正是正文三个论证段落的主题吗？这是作者很好的暗示了全文的行文结构。让阅卷人清楚地知道后面要说什么。[/font][/color]
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[color=maroon]Teachers are well aware that valuable teaching [b]requires much more of an individual[/b] than solely the knowledge of subject matter, and at all levels of education are [b]required to challenge their students to think[/b].[/color] [/font][font=宋体]这一句是第一个论点，我们注意到有两处加粗的地方，实际上表达的是一个意思，后面的（让学生去思考）实际上就是解释了前面的（[/font][font=Tahoma]individual[/font][font=宋体]）。这样的论证使得文章看上去很容易懂，而且也有不容易懂的部分。（注意：适当地留出一些隐晦的语言是很有必要的，这会让文章更有嚼头，更让人有兴趣读下去，但是必须要在后面给出解释）[/font][font=Tahoma] Research has proven that [b]decision-making skills and higher order analytical thought processes[/b] are much more critical to student success than actual subject matter. [/font][font=宋体]这句话其实就是作者自己的观点，但是作者非说是研究证明，使得文章显得更加论证多样性，我们也可以学这样的表述。[/font][font=Tahoma]Teaching about traditions and values are part of this process. Most students learn traditions and values from their families; [b]unfortunately[/b], lots of students in our society don't have families with traditions or values (taught or implied) and we are therefore required to teach them to a certain degree.[b] As a result,[/b] those students who do acquire values at home can begin[b] to determine whether or not they agree with [/b]those philosophies, and those who haven't can learn about all types of traditions and values and [b]determine which of those they would like to adopt[/b]. [/font][font=宋体]以上分了两种不同的情况进行了讨论，即在家学过的和在家没学过的，通过详细的讨论，最后得出的结论是，尽管遇到的问题不一样，但是共同的都是要首先思考。[/font][font=Tahoma]It is all about challenging people to think; therefore allowing them to mature and become more responsible members of society.[/font][font=宋体]从个人引申到社会层面。[/font][font=Tahoma]
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[color=maroon]Also we must recognize that [b]society changes [/b](progressing or regressing) over time[/color]. [color=maroon]We [b]cannot allow all traditions and values to remain the same[/b] because they are no longer appropriate.[/color] [/font][font=宋体]这是第二个论证点，要考虑到时间的变化，即要学会与时俱进。[/font][font=Tahoma]For example, there was once a court edict in the early 1900's that no more than 3 women should reside in the same house together. Of course this was needed both because of brothels and the "fragile" needs of women to have male protection; [b]however, times have now changed[/b]. We have sorties and those women wish to reside together! [b]Similarly, [/b]two hundred years ago we did not teach sex education in schools, yet today it is almost a dire necessity to defer the ever increasing rate of teenage pregnancy, sexual transmitted diseases, and AIDS, [b]The tradition [/b]to keep such matters 'private, or in the home'[b] is no longer acceptable [/b]consideringthe needs of society to deal with these problems.[/font][font=宋体]以上举出了两个例子，均证明了以前成立的传统现在不成立。论证的方式都是先描述以前是什么样，然后发生了什么变化，现在应该是什么样。这两个例子的顺序是有讲究的，第一个是已经发生变化的，第二个是作者认为应该发生变化的（但实际上可能还未完全变化），这样地选择例子的顺序是先举出肯定的事情，然后再举出一个现在的话题，留给读者进行思考。[/font][font=Tahoma]
[color=maroon]Lastly, those traditions and values that are [b]worthwhile and necessary to our existence[/b] will stand the test of time and remain essential ingredients to our lifestyles[/color]. [/font][font=宋体]正文的最后一段说的是有价值的东西还要保留。我们仔细品味，实际上本段和上一段是很好的对仗。上一段说不好的就要改变，本段说好的就要保留。这不是事物的正反两个方面吗。[/font][font=Tahoma]We will always have[b] religion[/b] is many forms and debates about [b]national holidays[/b], but the consistency is in the fact that we have them. Hopefully, [b]four thins about life will always be essential[/b]: [b]the need to respect one another, formulate intelligent responses, think before we speak, and have manners[/b]. Those manners might change, as have some with women's lib (i.e. the opening of doors, purchasing of meals based on fender, etc.),[b] but manners of some type will always be necessary[/b].[/font][font=宋体]这里本段并没有举出具体的事例来进行证明，这也是作者有意安排的，因为任何事情随着时间的变化都有不确定性，所以在本段作者着重从人性的角度，谈了一些较为抽象的话题。这些可能在很长一段时间不会发生变化，显出作者的思维的严谨和稳妥。[/font][font=Tahoma]
[color=maroon]In conclusion, it is important[b] maintain worthwhile tradition and values[/b] as they stand the test of time, [b]so long as [/b]we think about them and challenge ourselves,[/color][/font][color=black][font=宋体]最后一段作者总结了自己的观点，看得出来作者认为更为重要的是不管一个传统是什么，之前一定要充分的思考，也就是原文题目中的[/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma]challenge[/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体]，然后再决定是否对其保留[/font][/color][color=maroon][font=宋体]。[/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Tahoma] As a result, all members of society will be stronger in their convictions.[/font][/color][color=black][font=宋体]这个是作者的倾向，看来作者认为那些保留那些经典的传统更为重要，会使我们更为强大。这是作者的思路的一个升华，即去其糟粕，取其精华。[/font][/color]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2008-9-5 23:33 编辑 [/i]] [size=5][b]第三部分：总结[/b][/size]
[b][size=3]1、开头模式[/size][/b]
[table=548][tr][td=1,1,72][/td][td=1,1,476][font=宋体][size=3]开头模式[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第1篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]背景演绎（现象=〉原因）=〉提出论证方向[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第2篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]背景（暗示论证方向），提出观点[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第3篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]分析题目，提出观点[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第4篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]背景（通过关键字提出论证方向），提出观点[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第5篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]分析题目，引出论证方向[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第6篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]背景（简化命题），他人意见（再次简化命题），提出观点[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第7篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]限制范围，分析观点[/size][/font][/td][/tr][tr][td][font=宋体][size=3]第8篇[/size][/font][/td][td][font=宋体][size=3]提出观点，分析观点（通过关键字暗示后文论证方向）[/size][/font][/td][/tr][/table]x-A[$d3K`
在开头段落，[b]最重要的任务就是指出正文段落的论证方向[/b]，这里有两点值得注意：
第一点是[b]指出方向不等于完整的表达自己的态度[/b]。我们注意到整个8篇文章中，开头段大多是利用关键词来暗示整个文章的行文路线，而并不具体展开。这是因为我们的文章是个论证的过程，[b]在全文中对于事物的认识要有个循序渐进的过程，不能上来就把完整的清晰的结论摆上来，也不能让人感觉我们在文章的一开始就没有思路[/b]。怎么办呢？�