When asked about whether a new restaurant be built or not in our neighborhood, the majority of people would say yes , to be a newly built-up community which is lacks of many basic facilities, erecting a new restaurant might be bring many advantages.
As for our district , a new invested project could boost our local economy. First , it is obviously to know that the restaurant supplied many job opportunities for our local, which can relive our government of part of the burdens of financing so many laid-off workers. Also, the workers who work for the restaurant could have steady incomes and job, which inspires a prosperous development of our community.
Another advantage is that the restaurant increases the government revenue which is mainly used to set up a better community and provide a harmonious environment. For instance, the authority can spend more money in planting trees to perfect the quality of air, enhancing the welfare that is for physical challenge people, paying more attention to public facilities which include charity hospital and orphanage where provide shelters for the low-bank of society, then the  beggar or homeless children could far away from starvation or illness. Besides, it eliminate the financial strain of the government.
Last ,for some people , it offers an excellent place to stimulate consume. There is no need to spend more time in finding a proper place or being trapped in a traffic jam. Just nearing the house where we live. Eating out is no longer time consuming, then we could save more time in doing other more important things ,such as working and studying.
Obviously, a new restaurant has its drawbacks as well as good aspects, for instance, pollution, noisy, but taking into account all these factors , I may reasonably come to the conclusion that build a restaurant in our neighborhood is necessary.
2006-12-13

请批改，谢谢各位大虾了::z7

When asked about whether a new restaurant (should)be built or not(去掉) in our neighborhood, the majority of people would say yes(文章是要写你的意见) , (从这里开始另起一个句子)to be(改成for) a newly built-up community which is lacks(lack) of many basic facilities, erecting a new restaurant might be(may) bring many advantages.(简要说明优势)
As for our district , a(the) new invested(不舒服) project could boost our local economy. First , it is obviously to know that the restaurant supplied(时态) many job opportunities for our local, which can relive our government of part of the burdens of financing so many laid-off workers. Also, the workers who work for the restaurant could have steady incomes and job(晕,这句话是白说的), which inspires a prosperous development of our community.(只谈了就业,还有理由比如吸引其他投资,购买原料等等都没说)
Another advantage is that the restaurant increases the government revenue which is mainly used to set up a better community and provide a harmonious environment. For instance, the authority can spend more money in planting trees to perfect(这个词用的......) the quality of air, enhancing the welfare that is(去掉) for physical challenge people(???), paying more attention to public facilities which include charity hospital and orphanage where provide shelters for the low-bank of society, then the  beggar or homeless children could far away from starvation or illness. Besides, it eliminate(s) the financial strain of the government.(这段的理由我不是很赞同)
Last ,for some people , it offers an excellent place to stimulate consume. There is no need to spend more time in finding a proper place or being trapped in a traffic jam. Just nearing the house where we live. Eating out is no longer time consuming, then we could save more time in doing other more important things ,such as working and studying.(人们没时间所以去餐厅,这个是主要原因而lz说的太少了)
Obviously(不要这么说,你认为明显别人不一定认为,admittedly就好了), a new restaurant has its drawbacks as well as good aspects, for instance, pollution, noisy(词性), but taking into account all these factors , I may reasonably come to the conclusion that build a restaurant in our neighborhood is necessary. (最后一段怎么能这么让步呢,十分不好)

lz应该还有很多错误我可能漏掉了.
还是推荐你看看这篇心得
http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-704828-1-2.html
另外一些简单的错误平时要注意不要再犯,细心一点就好了
多看范文,最好能背一些.
lz加油吧!

辛苦了！

辛苦啦，觉得问题号多，很有问题的阿，应该首先要怎么做啊？？
自己找不到门路了的，觉得不知道从哪里下手好？

多读,多想,多写.
先对范文下手,读完分析,做笔记.然后自己再写.

谢谢啊，呵呵。又写了一篇，能不能看看啊？我把这篇改了再给你看看好吗？

没问题了就请把标题修改过来,谢谢!