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[IBT作文] [已批注]新托福IBTwriting习作-NO62

[已批注]新托福IBTwriting习作-NO62

NO62. What do you want most in a friend-someone who is intelligent, or someone who has a sense of humor, or someone who is reliable? Which one of these characteristics is most important to you? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.

It is a controversial issue for a long time that what kind of a friend is better. On one hand; it is held that the intelligent friend is better. On the other hand, some people believe that the friend who has a sense of humor is better. On the basis of my experience and expertise, I think that the friend who is reliable is overweight than others. Therefore the aim of my essay is to offer sufficient and essential evidence to following the variety of aspects.

Probably, the most important reason is that a reliable friend can help you when you meet a problem. A friend in need is a friend in deed. It is human nature that everyone needs help sometimes. As a reliable friend, he or she not only gives you suggestion but also considers your things as his or her own things. At the same time, they will not ask you for any payment. Maybe the help is small, but it is enough indeed. With the help of your friends, you can find the way to conquer the problem.

Moreover, a reliable person is also an honest person. He or she will not lie to you.So you need not worry about whether it is truth or not. Meanwhile, a reliable friend will directly tell you the wrong things you have done. Maybe you will not accept it at first. But finally you will find he or she is right. When telling you the truth, they will not care whether you like it or not.

In addition, as a reliable friend we like to tell our secrets to friends which can not tell others. In our daily life, we always want to talk with others about some personal things. At that time reliable friends are the best choice. Compared with the intelligent friends or friends who have a sense of humor, a reliable friend is much safer. He or she will be a good listener. When you feel sad, happy or scared, just tell your reliable friends. They will keep the secrets.

Considering all above-mentioned factors, I believe that if I have a chance to choose the friend I want most, I hope he or she is reliable.

帮忙修改一下,先谢过了:)

[ 本帖最后由 tracy24 于 2006-12-16 22:36 编辑 ]

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NO62. What do you want most in a friend-someone who is intelligent, or someone who has a sense of humor, or someone who is reliable? Which one of these characteristics is most important to you? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.
紫色,段落文章主题句和段落中心句

It is a controversial issue for a long time that what kind of a friend is better请给出选项. On one hand; it is held that the intelligent friend is better. On the other hand, some people believe that the friend who has a sense of humor is better. On the basis of my experience and expertise, I think that the friend who is reliable is overweight than others. Therefore the aim of my essay is to offer sufficient and essential evidence to following the variety of aspects.这句话显得多余。

Probably, the most important reason is that a reliable friend can help you when you meet a problem(建议用when you are in trouble). A friend in need is a friend in deed. It is human nature that everyone needs help sometimes. As a reliable friend, he or she not only gives you suggestion but also considers your things as his or her own things. At the same time, they will not ask you for any payment. Maybe建议用even the help is small, but it is enough indeed. With the help of your friends, you can find the way to conquer the problem.不搭配

Moreover, a reliable person is also an honest person. He or she will not lie to you.So you need not worry about whether it is truth or not. Meanwhile, a reliable friend will directly tell you the wrong things you have done. Maybe you will not accept it at first. But finally you will find he or she is right. When telling you the truth, they will not care whether you like it or not!!!.这样写危险。
跟honest 没有关系,仔细想一想为什么。

In addition, as a reliable friend we like to tell our secrets to friends which can not tell others1.句子有问题,2.你可以说,他会告诉你任何事情这样的. In our daily life, we always want to talk with others about some personal things. At that time reliable friends are the best choice. Compared with the intelligent friends or friends who have a sense of humor, a reliable friend is much safer. He or she will be a good listener. When you feel sad, happy or scared, just tell your reliable friends. They will keep the secrets.

Considering all above-mentioned factors, I believe that if I have a chance to choose the friend I want most, I hope he or she is reliable.

  • 结尾空洞无力
  • Morever这一段的论据基本上无用
  • 没有作到句式的多样性,并且句式简单
sunshinegyw,你要加油!
You can be better.
本帖最近评分记录
  • tracy24 威望 +2 辛苦了:) 2006-12-20 00:02
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

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辛苦了,非常非常非常感谢!

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仔细看后发现问题真的好多,句子多为简单句。
那么如何才能做到句式的多样性呢?
还请高人指点明路。

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关于句式多样性的帖子
推荐  你看 新东方作文讲义 by tracy
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

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多谢

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16号考的就是这个

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lz看看这个附件
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本帖最近评分记录
  • tracy24 威望 +5 辛苦了:) 2006-12-20 00:01

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