Nowadays many kids complain the parents for making the decisions for them.These teenagers around fifteen to eighteen has strong conception of independence.Born in the golden age of opening time in China,they have been never lack of love with respection from the older generation.That's why in their mind,they believe they can handle everything by themsleves .To them,  conquring the world is just a piece of cake.    Is it the truth?However,wiithout the guidence of their parents ,it is like birds without wings.At the age of tens',young naive children are full of imagination. It's not  enough for dealing with complicated society meanwhile easy to fail for wanting of experince.Youth are not sure for their future,they just have a hazy frame of unreal tomorrow.But it will be much easier to march on their way to success if the parents light the way.In that period,ususally the children face to decide if enter the university .It's a turing point of life which should be decided carefully with wisdom and experince.Only their parents who is patient and  understanding can help them.Brought up by your family, kids are understanded most by the parents.With life experinces,they can tell right from wrong,fake from true.No wonder they can make better decision for their children.They offer everything they have to make their kids' better life,and choose the best choice for the bright future of the kids.    I dare not to say everything decision made by parents for kids is right,but there is no doubt evey one is filled with love and hope.As a green hand  in the life journey,teenagers around fifteen to eighteen should disscuse with their parents when making big decision.It always better than manage everything alone and gain a double return.第一次写，好烂的感觉，完全没对，请狠拍>_<.我想知道我新在在哪个水平上的,最好给个分吧,谢谢斑竹了

[ 本帖最后由 onmyouji 于 2006-12-22 11:13 编辑 ]

引用:

新托福IBTwriting习作-Should parents make decisions for the kids around 15 to 18?


Nowadays many kids complain 1。the parents for making the decisions for them. 2.These teenagers around fifteen to eighteen has strong conception of independence.Born 3。in the golden age of opening time in China,they 4。 have been never lack of love with respection from the older generation.That's why in their mind,they believe they can handle everything by themsleves .To them,  conquring the world is just a piece of cake.

从这段话里，LZ写出一大堆teenagers的naive想法，但是并没有切入主题。

    Is it the truth?However,wiithout the guidence of their parents ,it is like birds without wings.At the age of tens',5。young naive children are full of 6。imagination. It's not  enough for dealing with complicated society meanwhile easy to fail for wanting of experince.Youth are not sure for their future,they just have a hazy frame of unreal tomorrow.But it will be much easier to march on their way to success if the parents light the way.In that period,ususally the children face to decide if enter the university .It's a turing point of life which should be decided carefully with wisdom and experince.Only their parents who is patient and  understanding can help them.Brought up by your family, kids are understanded most by the parents.With life experinces,they can tell right from wrong,fake from true.No wonder they can make better decision for their children.They offer everything they have to make their kids' better life,and choose the best choice for the bright future of the kids.

    I dare not to say everything decision made by parents for kids is right,but there is no doubt evey one is filled with love and hope.As a green hand  in the life journey,teenagers around fifteen to eighteen should disscuse with their parents when making big decision.It always better than manage everything alone and gain a double return.
第一次写，好烂的感觉，完全没对，请狠拍>_<.我想知道我新在在哪个水平上的,最好给个分吧,谢谢斑竹了

不一定要版主修改，LZ言重了。偶并不是很在行作文结构，就先只改用词和语法了。

1、一看只有3段，实在是太短了。建议4－5段落。
2、查查字典complain的用法，记得没错，应该是：complain of sth
3、语法错误，单复数问题，见错误2；放错副词位置，见错误4，改为have never been
4、中式英语，见错误3，5，6，建议把错误6改为illusion

时间关系，今天只能改这么多。

谢谢楼上的大大帮我改文。
1。我查了COMPLIAN确实是加OF
2.These teenagerS是不要S？？
Born 3。in the golden age of opening time 想表达是出生在改革开放的黄金年代，At the age of tens',5。young naive children are full of 6。imagination. 想表达十几岁的天真少年总是充满幻想。
第一段是不是一来就应该先说我支持这个观点？
3段怎么分成4段？？><写的时候字数好痛苦,谢谢.

3段怎么分成4段？？><写的时候字数好痛苦,谢谢.

开头一段,body一般要三段,就是三个分论点,结尾一段.共5段.
4段的话就是body两段.两个分论点~
比如这个文章,可以用这两个分论点:1.过多的父母做决定使孩子变成熟的过程变慢.2.父母的决定不一定是对的,因为有些父母可能跟不上时代的潮流.一段展开说一个论点就行

ＬＺ应该利用好作文版的资源哦！
这个版块有好多值得学习的内容呢！
多多锻炼就可以写出好作文了！

引用:

原帖由 我爱你雯 于 2006-12-15 22:59 发表
ＬＺ应该利用好作文版的资源哦！
这个版块有好多值得学习的内容呢！
多多锻炼就可以写出好作文了！

是啊，我爱你雯 就发过一些有用的资料

Born 3。in the golden age of opening time 想表达是出生在改革开放的黄金年代，At the age of tens',5。young naive children are full of 6。imagination. 想表达十几岁的天真少年总是充满幻想。这2句怎么翻译？
小声问下，后面一段是不是还没改啊？

引用:

原帖由 onmyouji 于 2006-12-15 22:47 发表
谢谢楼上的大大帮我改文。
1。我查了COMPLIAN确实是加OF
2.These teenagerS是不要S？？
Born
in the golden age of opening time 想表达是出生在改革开放的黄金年代，At the age of tens',5。young naive children are full of 6。imagination. 想表达十几岁的天真少年总是充满幻想。这2句怎么翻译？
小声问下，后面一段是不是还没改啊？

1.关于complain
complain that:    People complain that they don't get enough information
complain to sb. :  Neighbours complain to the police about the dogs barking.
complain of sth:  Dan's been complaining of severe headaches recently.

2. 不是,你前面是teenagers, 后面应该用have

3.出生在改革开放的黄金年代 Born during the golden age of reform and opening-up;  十几岁的天真少年总是充满幻想 The mind of innocent teenager is always full of  romantic notions.


Nowadays many kids complain 1。the parents for making the decisions for them. 2.These teenagers around fifteen to eighteen has strong conception of independence.Born 3。in the golden age of opening time in China,they 4。 have been never lack of love with respection from the older generation.That's why in their mind,they believe they can handle everything by themsleves .To them,  conquring the world is just a piece of cake.

从这段话里，LZ写出一大堆teenagers的naive想法，但是并没有切入主题。

   
Jimmy希望你认真的把第二段分一下,这样你对中心句所有的论述才显得有层次.
[蓝鹰]关于IBT independent writing（会员必读）



I dare not to say everything decision made by parents for kids is right,but there is no doubt evey one is filled with love and hope.As a green hand  in the life journey,teenagers around fifteen to eighteen should disscuse with their parents when making big decision.It always better than manage everything alone and gain a double return.
语法错误太多.

[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2006-12-20 21:58 编辑 ]

谢谢，发现了好多问题，回去接着练，谢谢帮助我的好心人们