People seldom go unanimous even in such trivial issue as the preference between traveling alone and traveling with companions. Actually, traveling alone becomes some people’s first choice simply because they are impartial to the feeling of being alone. Nevertheless, traveling with companions is my favorite based on these following reasons.
Not like traveling alone, the safety condition would be better if we travel in group. What we will meet during our vocation is pretty unpredictable. Danger may happen and the risk is obviously higher than that of traveling in group. Confronting these unpleasant items individually is more horrible, while with the help from the companions, we are more likely to come over them in group. And this is the first reason sustaining my view towards this topic.
As the second factor, there will be more enjoyment when we travel with somebody else. Gorgeous landscapes and exotic cultures never fail to fascinate me, additionally, sharing these things with our companions will certainly amplify the pleasure. Imagine those romantic and heart-touching moments shared by you and your sweet when you travel together. Consequently, I assert that traveling with companions is more wonderful than is traveling alone.
Thirdly, traveling with companions will bring us more friends. Strengthening friendship with old friends and forging new friendship with strangers are common to see among people who travel in group. One of my best friends stands as a solid evidence. Last year, he traveled with some strangers to Miami in group. Just after a 2-month-long journey, they became intimate friends with each other. As the case illustrates, friendship forged during traveling together is conspicuous.
Of course, it is quite acceptable that some other people may have their reasons supporting the opposite choice as traveling alone. However, I absolutely believe that traveling with companions is superior to traveling alone.            

[ 本帖最后由 尤宇tf 于 2006-12-19 14:44 编辑 ]

我不是牛人，呵呵，说的不好请原谅

觉得写的挺好的

就发现一个小小的问题

Imagine those romantic and heart-touching moments sharing by you and your sweet when you travel together.
sharing是不是应该改成shared

[ 本帖最后由 王嫣7961 于 2006-12-17 22:51 编辑 ]

......是的  谢谢你

请BLUE EAGLE帮忙修改一个！！谢谢！！！

紫色表示中心句和段落论点
People seldom go unanimous even in such trivial issue as the preference between traveling alone and traveling with companions. Actually, traveling alone becomes some people’s first choice simply because they are impartial to the feeling of being alone. Nevertheless, traveling with companions is my favorite based on these following reasons.

Not like traveling alone, the safety condition would be better if we travel in group. What we will meet during our vocation is pretty unpredictable. Danger may happen and the risk is obviously higher than that of traveling in group. Confronting these unpleasant items individually is more horrible, while with the help from the companions, we are more likely to come over them in group前面已经有了(help from the companions). And this is the first reason sustaining my view towards this topic.可以不写

As the second factor, there will be more enjoyment when we travel with somebody else. Gorgeous landscapes and exotic cultures never fail to fascinate me, additionally, sharing these things with our companions will certainly amplify the pleasure. Imagine those romantic and heart-touching moments shared by you建议使用主动语态 and your sweet when you travel together. Consequently, I assert that traveling with companions is more wonderful than is traveling alone.

Thirdly, traveling with companions will bring us more friends. Strengthening friendship with old friends and forging new friendship with strangers are common to see among people who travel in group. One of my best friends stands as a solid evidence. Last year, he traveled with some strangers to Miami in group. Just after a 2-month-long journey, they became intimate friends with each other. As the case illustrates, friendship forged during traveling together is conspicuous不建议使用.

Of course, it is quite acceptable that some other people may have their reasons supporting the opposite choice as traveling alone. However, I absolutely believe that traveling with companions is superior to traveling alone.      

写的非常好.
Advice:
现在可以进阶了
按照这个顺序来
1.在使用高级词汇之前,一定要确定可以用这个词
2.在段内句子的衔接
3.最后句式多样性

77%

      



[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2006-12-19 00:21 编辑 ]

谢谢你的无私帮助！！！顺便给个分数吧！我想知道，呵呵

引用:

原帖由 benz2015 于 2006-12-18 23:20 发表
紫色表示中心句和段落论点
People seldom go unanimous even in such trivial issue as the preference between traveling alone and traveling with companions. Actually, traveling alone becomes some peo ...

77% 什么意思？

紫色的标注是为了让你更清楚你的中心句和论点在文章的哪个地方.
77%是对整体的评价

偶来接着JIMMY的讨论，绿色为偶的点评－主要针对句子成分和用词：

引用:

紫色表示中心句和段落论点
1.People seldom go unanimous even in such trivial issue as the preference between traveling alone and traveling with companions. Actually, 2.traveling alone becomes some people’s first choice simply because they are impartial to the feeling of being alone. Nevertheless, traveling with companions is my favorite based on these following reasons.

3。Not like traveling alone, the safety condition would be better if we travel in group. What we will meet during our vocation is pretty unpredictable. Danger may happen and the risk is obviously higher than that of traveling in group. Confronting these unpleasant items individually is more horrible, while with the help from the companions, we are more likely to come over them in group前面已经有了(help from the companions). And this is the first reason sustaining my view towards this topic.可以不写

As the second factor, there will be more enjoyment when we travel with somebody else. Gorgeous landscapes and exotic cultures never fail to fascinate me, additionally, sharing these things with our companions will certainly 4。amplify the pleasure. Imagine those romantic and heart-touching moments 5。shared by you建议使用主动语态 and your sweet when you travel together. Consequently, 6。I assert that traveling with companions is more wonderful than is traveling alone.

Thirdly, traveling with companions will bring us more friends. Strengthening friendship with old friends and forging new friendship with strangers are common to see among people who travel in group. One of my best friends stands as a solid evidence. Last year, he traveled with some strangers to Miami in group. Just after a 2-month-long journey, they became intimate friends 7。with each other. As the case illustrates, friendship forged during traveling together is conspicuous不建议使用.

Of course, it is quite acceptable that some other people may have their reasons supporting the opposite choice as traveling alone. However, I absolutely believe that traveling with companions is superior to traveling alone.      

写的非常好.
Advice:
现在可以进阶了
按照这个顺序来
1.在使用高级词汇之前,一定要确定可以用这个词
2.在段内句子的衔接
3.最后句式多样性

77%

      

首先，我想说的，很久没有改LZ的作文了，忘了LZ以前是什么阶段。不过，这次的写作，本人我并不是很满意，可能是我对大家的要求高了吧:)

问题一：非常严重，且不容易提高，几乎全是中式英语，请不要介意我这么说:)
问题二：语法错误很多，特别是副词、形容词的用法。
问题三：中式英语严重，而且句型单一，就"traveling with"的句型就用了很多，我都打了下划线的。

就第一段的第一句话，我就看不太懂：1.People seldom go unanimous even in such trivial issue as the preference between traveling alone and traveling with companions.
这句话很多错误：第一，unanimous是形容词，怎么会在动词后面？而且这个词也用得不对。第二，such 的用法错误，而且错得离谱。首先，such后面应该跟 a trivial issue，issue这里用单数。其次，such后面可以跟as,但是不是这样用的，as 后面必须是完整的句子，见例句： Such a disaster as her car being stolen had never happened before.

2.traveling alone becomes some people’s first choice simply because they are impartial to the feeling of being alone.
这句话是典型的中式英语，impartial也是用法错误，simply方错位置。建议改为：Traveling alone is someone's primary option because of its traditional and venturesome character.

3。Not like traveling alone, the safety condition would be better if we travel in group.
这句话也有问题，Not like的用法不对，具个例子：not like him, I am a quiet person. 或者，Not like traveling alone,  traveling in a group has better security.

4。amplify the pleasure
amlify的用法错误

Imagine those romantic and heart-touching moments 5。shared by you and your sweet
share的用法错误，share something with sb. 没有见过shared by....

6。I assert that traveling with companions is more wonderful than is traveling alone.
典型的语法错误，看后面打了下划线的部分。要搞清楚是什么和什么在比较，并且两者的结构要一样。改为：I assert that traveling with companions is more wonderful than traveling alone

7。with each other
省掉。

1.找一本语法书好好看看.
2.提高阅读量

[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2006-12-19 12:23 编辑 ]

谢谢tracy 和Jimmy



PS:在我文章中中式英语问题以及用词不准确实非常严重，造成这个现象的原因我个人认为是：用单词书扩充词汇量，很多单词不是真正的知道他们的用法..... 这个我感到痛苦和无奈........但是作为英语能力考试的T，词汇也很重要......如果全部用低级词汇，很多时候既不精确，也不利于得高分........两位认为这个该怎么办呢？

[ 本帖最后由 尤宇tf 于 2006-12-19 13:16 编辑 ]

引用:

原帖由 尤宇tf 于 2006-12-19 13:09 发表
PS:在我文章中中式英语问题以及用词不准确实非常严重，造成这个现象的原因我个人认为是：用单词书扩充词汇量，很多单词不是真正的知道他们的用法..... 这个我感到痛苦和无奈........但是作为英语能力考试的T，词汇也很重要......如果全部用低级词汇，很多时候既不精确，也不利于得高分........两位认为这个该怎么办呢？

单词只能扩充词汇量,更为重要的是,你要多读,看外国人是怎么写的.还要多看看语法书.保持做好这些,很容易提高的.

注意:不要使用太华丽的词藻. 这对你不利.