修改过后文章在9楼，谢谢各位点评！

38.learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. do you agree or disagree? use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, many changes have taken place in the knowledge along with the development of society. And some people believe that learning the past knowledge is not necessary, and some peole believe that we can benifit from learning the past knowledge. To be frank, I would like to support the view  which thinks the past knowledge does good to our morden society. In the following, I would like to present my point of view.

In the first place, due to learning the past history, we can provide to make the same mistakes, for instance, the world war is the best example in this field. We could not make such unfortunate mistakes once more. And if we study the past history, we can understand the reason why the world war could happan, and then we could avoid this terrible phenomena successfully. It will let's have a better secure society.

In the second place, it is apparent that our knowledge is connected, so if we could learn the past science and technology,and by learning such past science and technology, we can invent or create the new things more easier than before. Because we know the ancient people's experience, then basing on the experience, we also can decrease the possibility of making the mistakes.

Last but not least, it pays to study the great people's stories. There is no doubt that it will helps us become a great man who is very useful for our morden society.i mean that the great achievements are closely related to the great man's qualities, so we should learn their good qualities.

In a word, I consist that we should learn the past knowledge, we cannot emphasize the importance of learning the past knowledge, we should absorb the experience and some things else from the bypast time.it will makes our life better.

作文第一次发上来，有很多很多不足，希望各位指点，狠狠的拍吧，感谢感谢~！！

[ 本帖最后由 daisy6022 于 2006-12-20 23:13 编辑 ]

xixi来了??
明天给你看

好的，谢谢Jimmy 期待点评~^_^

紫色表示中心句子
蓝色表示不需要
Nowadays, many changes have taken place in the knowledge along with the development of society. And some people believe that learning the past knowledge is not necessary, and some peole believe that we can benifit from learning the past knowledge. To be frank, I would like to support the view  which thinks the past knowledge does good to our morden society. In the following, I would like to present my point of view.

In the first place, due to learning the past history, we can provide to make the same mistakes, for instance, the world war is the best example in this field. We could not make such unfortunate mistakes once more. And if we study the past history, we can understand the reason why the world war could happan, and then用连接词 we could avoid this terrible phenomena successfully. It will let's have a better secure society.

In the second place, it is apparent that our knowledge is connected, so if we could learn the past science and technology,and by learning such past science and technology, we can invent or create the new things more easier than before. Because we know the ancient people's experience, then basing on the experience, we also can decrease the possibility of making the mistakes.

Last but not least, it pays to study the great people's stories. There is no doubt that it will helps us become a great man who is very useful for our morden society.i mean that the great achievements are closely related to the great man's qualities, so we should learn their good qualities.要论证而不是说I mean.

In a word, I consist that we should learn the past knowledge, we cannot emphasize the importance of learning the past knowledge, we should absorb the experience and some things else from the bypast time两个句子之间建议用连接词.it will makes our life better.

打下划线的地方请注意看
总体评价
65%
1.说理不充分,只是解释了分论点.二战的例子不具有说服力
2.句式单一,并且容易出小错误
3.词汇不丰富
请修改一下,再发上来.

[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2006-12-19 11:50 编辑 ]

请按标准格式将你的标题改为
新托福IBTwriting习作--你的作文题目

恩，好的，谢谢，第一次啥都不懂

LZ需要再提高啊，包括口语:)

恩，感谢tracy,jimmy一直的帮助，我要努力努力再努力^_^

Nowadays,many changes have taken place in the knowledge along with the development of society. And some people believe that learning the past knowledge is not necessary, and some people insist that we can betake the past knowledge and meanwhile benifit from learning the past knowledge. To be frank, I would like to support the view which thinks the foregone knowledge does good to our morden society.

In the first place, due to learning the past history, we can evade making the same inaccuracy, for instance, the tsunami, which was happened in 2004, is the best example in this field. According to this disaster, many people died because of the imcomplete warning system, therefore we could not let such unfortunate mistakes occur once again. However, if we study the past history, we can understand the reason why the disaster cause such huge damage, and then we should rebuild the newest warning system to reduce the harm of the disaster. In this way, we could avoid this terrible phenomena successfully. It will let us have a better secure society.

In the second place, it is apparent that our knowledge is connected. Thus by learning the former science and technology, we can invent or create the new things more easier than before. Thanks to ancient people's experience which we have known, and basing on the experience, we also can decrease the possibility of making the mistakes.

Last but not least, it pays to study the giant's stories. There is no doubt that it will helps us become a great man who is very serviceable for our morden society. As far as way know, the famous American writer, who is named Hellen Keller, said that although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. Hereby, I strongly consinder that the great achievements are closely related to the great man's qualities, and extracting their good attribute is the most valuable thing that we have to do.

In a word, I hold that we should learn the prevenient knowledge, we cannot emphasize the importance of learning the former knowledge, furthermore we should absorb the experience and some things else from bypast time that will makes our life better.

[ 本帖最后由 daisy6022 于 2006-12-20 03:28 编辑 ]

xixi,你要注意身体啊,别熬夜!!!!!
现在给你看啊

Nowadays,many changes have taken place它的用法自己查一下 in the knowledge along with the development of society. And some people believe that learning the past knowledge is not
necessary, and some people(前面也是这个结构) insist that we can betake请注意它的用法,betake oneself to,致力于 the past knowledge and meanwhile benifit from learning the past knowledge the kowledge of the past. To be frank, I would like to support the view which thinks the foregone好好查查这个词的用法 knowledge does good to our morden society.

In the first place, due to learning the past history, we can evade故意逃避的意思,用在这里不好 making the same inaccuracy, for instance, the tsunami, which was happened in 2004, is the best example in this field. According用在此不妥 to this disaster, many people died because of the imcomplete warning system, therefore句子的连贯性有问题,跟哪个句子衔接的? we could not let such unfortunate mistakes occur once again.你举的例子不能算是mistake However, if we study the past history用更好的说法, we can understand the reason why the disaster cause such huge damage, and then we should rebuild the newest warning system to reduce the harm of the disaster. In this way, we could avoid this terrible phenomena successfully. 前面句子主语是we,这里变成了
it?  It will let us have a better secure society.


In the second place, it is apparent obvious that our你可以说人类的知识但是不能说我们的知识 knowledge is connected. Thus by learning the former science and technology, we can invent or create the new things more easier than before.逻辑上的错误 Thanks to ancient people's experience which we have known, and basing on the experience, we also can decrease the possibility of making the mistakes.

Last but not least, it pays to study the giant's stories. There is no doubt that it will helps us to become a great man who is very serviceable for our morden society. As far as way know, the famous American writer, who is named Hellen Keller, said that although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. Hereby, I strongly consinder that the great achievements are closely related to the great man's qualities, and extracting their good attribute is the most valuable thing that we have to do.

In a word, I hold that we 通篇都是你的观点,就不用I hold that 了 should learn the prevenient knowledge, we cannot emphasize the importance of learning the former knowledge, furthermore we should absorb the experience and some things else from bypast time that will makes our life better.


Jimmy的建议:提高阅读量  然后多看语法书

You can be better!

help sb (to) do sth.
可以用也可以不用to

还有help (to) do sth.
如 Part of my job is to help organize the conference.

这个是词的用法,要查辞典的

写作中词汇的丰富,要多读,多模仿,多写----老外也是这样学写作的.

谢谢...