Television was invented last century and has been an important part in our lives. No one will deny the fact that the television has had impact on our lives. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. However, it is hardly true that television has distroyed the communication among friends and family.

Television does affect our lives in many ways. For exmaple, twenty yeas ago, when I was a little boy, there was no television in my home. I spent a lot of  time with my parents and my grandparents. They told me stories before I went to sleep and taught me a lot of things by hand. After my father bought a television home, we watched the TV program every night. Instead of talking each other, we kept quiet and watched. Therefore, to some extend, people spend more watching television than before.

Though television has some bad influence on our lives, I do not believe that television destroys the communication among friends and family. It is pressure which come from different aspects of life, rather than television destroy our lives. For instance, a high school students who is preparing for the college entrance examination, can't do anything but study. The study pressure keeps him out of him or her friends and family. Moreover, financial pressure is another indipensable factor. If people have financial problem, they may have to work hard , even to do some part time job to earn more money. Therefore, they spend little time with their friends and family.

Form what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that is not television destroys the communicaition between friends and family.

lz字数未到300，丰满一下再发上来。另外还有少许拼写错误，请用word检查一下

感谢，改了再请您拍！

一定~

I've rewriten the compostion, Please Pai! hen hen de pai! Thank you!

Television was invented last century and has been an important part in our lives. No one will deny the fact that the television has had impact on our lives. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. However, I can hardly agree with this argument.
Television does affect our lives in many ways. It has changed the way people communicate. For example, twenty yeas ago, when I was a little boy, there was no television in my home. I spent a lot of time with my parents and my grandparents. They told me stories before I went to sleep and taught me a lot of things by hand. After my father bought a television home, from then one, we usually watch the TV program after supper. Instead of talking each other, we kept quiet and watched the television. According to some investigation, the American children spend average 8 hours watching TV a day. The more time they spend on TV, the less time they spend with their parents.
Though television has some bad influences on our lives, I do not believe that television destroys the communication among friends and family. It is the pressure which comes from different aspects of life, rather than television destroys our lives. For instance, a high school student who is preparing for the college entrance examination can't do anything but study. The study pressure keeps him out of him or her friends and family. Moreover, financial pressure is another indispensable factor. If people have financial problem, they may have to work harder or even to do some part time job to earn more money. Nowadays, people who earn 8000 Yuan need to spend at least 60 hours working in our city. Television has no chance to destroy the communication between their friends and family, because they have no time to watch it. Even if there were not television, people would do other things to kill time, such as gambling or alcohol.

Form what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that is not television destroys the communication between friends and family. The increasing pressure in our society destroys the communication among friends and family.

[ 本帖最后由 xinss0017 于 2006-12-25 21:08 编辑 ]

今天同学聚会喝高了实在不行了.明天一定好好帮lz看看

引用:

原帖由 Holsety 于 2006-12-25 21:43 发表
今天同学聚会喝高了实在不行了.明天一定好好帮lz看看

我也是。。饭局期来了。。吃的动不了了。

没关系，你们也挺辛苦的，放松放松也好！我不着急！

我把字号弄大点,换个字体看得清楚些.我只说内容上的问题:
开头段写得不错,结尾段的形式不错,但是语言不地道
Television was invented last century and has been an important part in our lives. No one will deny the fact that the television has had impact on our lives. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. However, I can hardly agree with this argument.
                                       
Television does affect our lives in many ways. It has changed the way people communicate. For example, twenty yeas ago, when I was a little boy, there was no television in my home. I spent a lot of time with my parents and my grandparents. They told me stories before I went to sleep and taught me a lot of things by hand. After my father bought a television home, from then one, we usually watch the TV program after supper. Instead of talking each other, we kept quiet and watched the television. According to some investigation, the American children spend average 8 hours watching TV a day. The more time they spend on TV, the less time they spend with their parents.
这一段比较奇怪,
奇怪之一:第一句说电视给我们生活的很多方面造成了影响.按照这个逻辑,接下来应该分几个方面来说,但是第二句把话题锁定在改变了交流方式这一点上
奇怪之二:从第三句开始举例,例子似乎在说有了电视之后,交流被看电视代替了,后面引用的调查也是在说明在这个问题,那么它们应该证明的是"电视减少交流"这个论点,而不是"改变了交流了方式"
奇怪之三:这一段到底是支持"电视减少交流"还是反对?从内容上看仿佛是支持,为什么第一段的观点是反对?就算是让步,也要有一个明确的让步词.
一个建议:每段第一句明确表明态度,支持或反对,你这一段开头说"造成了影响",正面的还是负面的?不得而知.
                                                               
Though television has some bad influences on our lives, I do not believe that television destroys the communication among friends and family. It is the pressure which comes from different aspects of life, rather than television destroys our lives. For instance, a high school student who is preparing for the college entrance examination can't do anything but study. The study pressure keeps him out of him or her friends and family. Moreover, financial pressure is another indispensable factor. If people have financial problem, they may have to work harder or even to do some part time job to earn more money. Nowadays, people who earn 8000 Yuan need to spend at least 60 hours working in our city. Television has no chance to destroy the communication between their friends and family, because they have no time to watch it. Even if there were not television, people would do other things to kill time, such as gambling or alcohol.
这一段写得不错,但是开头需要改进.第一句话最好去掉,它并不是你这一段话的中心句,而是全文的中心句,而你这段的第二句话才是该段的中心句.
Form what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that is not television destroys the communication between friends and family. The increasing pressure in our society destroys the communication among friends and family.




[ 本帖最后由 yanding142857 于 2006-12-26 16:16 编辑 ]

Television was invented last century and has been(become) an important part in our lives. No one will deny the fact that the television has had impact on our lives. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. However, I can hardly agree with this argument.(段与段空一行)
Television does affect our lives in many ways. It has changed the way people communicate.(改变了沟通的方式?lz后面的例子似乎不是证明这个论点的.) For example, twenty yeas ago, when I was a little boy, there was no television in my home. I spent a lot of time with my parents and my grandparents. They told me stories before I went to sleep and taught me a lot of things by hand. After my father bought a television home, from then one, we usually watch(时态) the TV program after supper. Instead of talking each other, we kept quiet and watched the television.(lz的例子说明了什么?应该自己再简要说明一下) According to some(an) investigation, the American children spend average 8 hours watching TV a day. The more time they spend on TV, the less time they spend with their parents. (lz举的两个例子都是说电视占用了人们用来沟通的时间,而不是改变了人们沟通的方式)
Though television has some bad influences on our lives, I do not believe that television destroys the communication among friends and family. It is the pressure which comes from different aspects of life, rather than television destroys our lives. For instance, a high school student who is preparing for the college entrance examination can't do anything but study. The study pressure keeps him out of（不当吧？keep out of是置身事外的意思） him or her friends and family. Moreover, financial pressure is another indispensable（必不可少？改成不可忽略吧） factor. If people have financial problem, they may have to work harder or even to do some part time job to earn more money. Nowadays, people who earn 8000 Yuan need to spend at least 60 hours working in our city. Television has no chance to destroy the communication between their friends and family, because they have no time to watch it（那对于那些不是那么忙的人呢？）. Even if there were not television, people would do other things to kill time, such as gambling or alcohol.（这句转折的有点怪，和上文没有多大关系）

Form what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that is not television destroys the communication between friends and family. The increasing pressure in our society destroys the communication among friends and family.

lz的文章应该是从李笑来那里借鉴的思路吧？我觉得李的文章其实也跑题了．lz的文章body部分先用了一整段说电视占据了人们沟通时间，这其实是支持破坏论的．第二段又重点说别的因素影响了人们的沟通，甚至又说人们没有多少时间看电视，与一段矛盾．其实body部分根本就没有支持你的论点：＂电视没有破坏人们的沟通．＂
我觉得分论点可以说：１．电视让人们有更多的共同话题，比如人们可以一起谈论同一热门电视剧．２．电视给人们更多的机会了解其他文化，使来自不同文化背景的人们更易沟通．３．这段让步一下
个人意见，牛们有不同意见请拍

太感谢了！我再努力的改！

这是我又改的作文，但由于水平有限，有些地方写的不地道！ 我在这里先谢了，请个位高手多指点！要是能帮我改改句子，那就更好了！谢谢！

Television was invented in last century, and as it appeared, it has received many praise and abuse. No one, however, can deny the fact that television has changed our lives in many ways. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. As far as I am concerned, it is hardly true that TV has destroyed the communication among friends and family.
Television does change the way people communicate, television program provides us more topic in talk. For example, when I was young, there are few televisions in our neighborhood; people usually talked some trivial family things when they met. But now, people usually talk about the news happened in the world or in my country, or some film they have watched in television. When I meet my friends, after talking about the latest life, I usually ask them what exciting TV program they have watched. You see, television just changes or provides topic when people talk, it does not destroy the communication among friends and family.
If someone argue that television does destroy the communication among friends and family, I will refute that it is other factors rather than TV destroy the communication among friends and family. Take the increasing pressure among our modern life into account; more and more people are suffering many pressures from different aspects. For example, a high school students who is going to take the college entrance examination, has nothing to do but study because of the fierce enrollment competition. How television can destroy the communication between him and his friends? It is the study pressure keeps him away from his friends and family, and then destroys their communication. Some other pressures, such as work pressure or financial pressure also play the similar role as the study pressure stated above in our society. For instance, a person who earns 6000 Yuan a month, he at least spend 60 hours per week, and then he has little time to spend with his family. How can you say it is the TV that destroys the communication among his family?
From what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that television has not destroyed the communication among friends and family. It is other factors, such as pressure, rather than television destroys people's communication.

[ 本帖最后由 xinss0017 于 2006-12-26 21:54 编辑 ]

蓝鹰，我想问问你怎么准备口语考试的后四道题？临近考试，还是不入门，心里有点慌了！ 谢谢！

这个问题......我口语也超烂 .lz在ibt版好好找找,一定可以找到好多有价值的帖子

引用:

原帖由 yanding142857 于 2006-12-26 16:09 发表
我把字号弄大点,换个字体看得清楚些.我只说内容上的问题:
开头段写得不错,结尾段的形式不错,但是语言不地道
Television was invented last century and has been an important part in our lives. No one wil ...

神猫真是把GRE的牢底坐穿了。。。

我看过一些，总觉得和我水平不匹配，现在没办法，只好自己发明了！

引用:

原帖由 xinss0017 于 2006-12-26 06:35 发表

Television was invented in last century, and as (since) it appeared, it has received many praise and abuse. No one, however, can deny the fact that television has changed our lives in many ways. Some people argue that television has destroyed the communication among friends and family. As far as I am concerned, it is hardly true that TV has destroyed the communication among friends and family.
Television does change the way people communicate, television program provides us more topic in talk. For example, when I was young, there are few televisions in our neighborhood;（只有中国人能领会这例子的含义，还得是八十年代生人，九十年代都够呛。） people usually talked (about) some trivial family things when they met. But now, people usually talk about the news happened in the world or in my country, or some film they have watched in (on) television. （这个例子好像米啥说服力……不过更重要的是，举完例子一定要议论两句点一下题。不管举的例子好坏，这一步在结构上必不可少。）When I meet my friends, after talking about the latest life, I usually ask them what exciting TV program they have watched. You see , television just changes or provides topic when people talk, it does not destroy the communication among friends and family.
If someone argue that television does destroy the communication among friends and family, I will refute that it is other factors rather than TV destroy the communication among friends and family. Take the increasing pressure among our modern life into account; more and more people are suffering many pressures from different aspects. For example, a high school students (!!!) who is going to take the college entrance examination, has nothing to do but study because of the fierce enrollment competition.（这例子太有中国特色了。要说服ETS评卷人就要挑美国文化认可的例子。） How television can destroy the communication between him and his friends?（惊见反问句。建议少用。） It is the study pressure keeps him away from his friends and family, and then destroys their communication. Some other pressures, such as work pressure or financial pressure also play the similar role as the study pressure stated above in our society. For instance, a person who earns 6000 Yuan a month,（同上，例子不会被老美认可。） he at least spend 60 hours per week, and then he has little time to spend with his family. How can you say it is the TV that destroys the communication among his family?（反问句，又见反问句。）
From what I stated above, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that television has not destroyed the communication among friends and family. It is other factors, such as pressure, rather than television destroys people's communication.

1. 粉红色的部分……强烈建议楼主没事就抱本《同义词反义词辞典》看。
2. 举例中国特色太强了，要时刻记住，我们的文章是给鬼子看的！
3. 楼主在语法上有点粗心。
4. 语言不是非常地道。但值得称许的一点是句式使用比较正确。看来楼主的句法还不错，有驾驭长句子的能力。
5. 我昨天也吃撑了……

Jimmy说我细心幽默，其实ls才是

谢谢夸奖。
啊，Jimmy的新头像！尖叫！！

狂汗．．．
怎么大家都去吃饭了。．．．