Topic: some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Each person who plans to travel must wish to spend the least money and enjoy a wonderful journey, but what is most important is safety which is now concerned more and more by tourists. To travel with a companion is an ideal method which can help the tourist to finish the trip happily, cheaply and safety. Although there are some minor disadvantages to do this, I believe advantages are more than the disadvantages apparently.
   First of all, a lack of freedom is the main disadvantage to travel with a companion. For instance, the traveler prefers to travel by train rather than by airplane, owing to the landscape along the railroad is so beautiful that it’s regrettable to miss for him. However, his friend’s vocation is short that he does not have enough time to travel by train. Thus, the traveler has to drop his original arrangement.
    Even though there may be one or two disadvantages to travel alone, they are tiny and soluble compared with danger and high expense, and the advantage to travel with an accompanist carry more weight than those to travel alone.
No one will deny that touring with an accompanist is much more secure than a solo journey. They could concern each other, guard themselves, and support the other when he needs assistance. No matter when they are distressful or happen to embarrassment, they won’t feel solitary and helplessness due to there is still someone caring for the other. Therefore, their parents will be reassurance to their trip.
Lowering expense is another advantage to traveling with an accompanist. We may quote a single example that when traveler intent to rent an automobile while the cost is unacceptably high which surpasses his budget. But if he travels with a friend, he just requires committing half of the cost. By this way, the expenditure is minimized. Not only the outlay, but also the pleasure, the knowledge they gain during the journey and the grief they can all share together. In addition, to argue for this viewpoint we have mass of instances which won’t be listed.
From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that traveling with a companion is much better than traveling alone. Freewheeling as traveling alone is, traveling with a companion is more secure and less expenditure obviously. As far as I am concerned, the best manner to attain a safety, joyful and unforgettable trip is to travel with companion.

lz明天给你修改

楼主的文章我看过了.要真挑语法错误,很少
全文的意思我看明白了,这篇文章给我的感觉是中文英语比较严重,建议楼主多看些英语的文章,这样可以让自己的表达更加地道更加纯正一些

引用:

原帖由 Holsety 于 2006-12-24 21:54 发表
lz明天给你修改

在这么特殊的晚上给傻友看作文
Holsety做到了
Jimmy没有...

Each person who plans to travel must wish to spend the least money and enjoy a wonderful journey, but what is most(改成the most) important is safety which is now concerned more and more by tourists. To travel with a companion is an ideal method which can help the tourist to finish the trip happily, cheaply and safety. (前一句说强调安全最重要,后一句说快乐,便宜,最后才提到了安全,这缺乏逻辑性).Although there are some minor disadvantages to do this, I believe advantages are more than the disadvantages apparently.(数量才有more than)
   First of all, a lack of freedom is the main disadvantage to travel with a companion.(前面说优点比缺点多,这里最好先介绍优点) For instance, the(one) traveler prefers to travel by train rather than by airplane, owing to the landscape along the railroad is so beautiful that it’s regrettable to miss( miss作不及物动词时没有错过的意思) for him.(owning to 应该换成because) However, his friend’s vocation is short that he does not have enough time to travel by train. Thus, the traveler has to drop his original arrangement.
    Even though there may be one or two disadvantages to travel alone, they are tiny and soluble compared with danger and high expense, and the advantage to travel with an accompanist carry more weight than those to travel alone.(这段要表达的意思和开头段重复了)
No one will deny that touring with an accompanist is much more secure than a solo(不恰当) journey. They could concern(不恰当) each other, guard(不太恰当) themselves, and support the other when he needs assistance. No matter when they are distressful or happen to embarrassment, they won’t feel solitary and helplessness(不应该用名词) due to there is still someone caring for the other(语法错误). Therefore, their parents will be reassurance to their trip(有这种表达??).
Lowering expense is another advantage to(用for) traveling with an accompanist. We may quote a single example(这种表达不好) that when (one) traveler intent(intends) to rent an automobile while the cost is unacceptably high which surpasses(不当,beyond 好些) his budget. But if he travels with a friend, he just requires committing(不恰当) half of the cost. By this way, the expenditure is minimized. Not only the outlay, but also the pleasure, the knowledge they gain during the journey and the grief they can all share together.(语法错误) In addition, to argue for this viewpoint we have mass of instances which won’t be listed.
From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that traveling with a companion is much better than traveling alone. Freewheeling as traveling alone is, traveling with a companion is more secure and less expenditure(用形容词) obviously. As far as I am concerned, the best manner to attain a safety, joyful and unforgettable trip is to travel with (a )companion.
                                 
语法错误并不重要,改不改关系不大
用词不当也是小问题,慢慢积累
楼主需要在逻辑方面加强,使文章条理清晰,这才是最重要的

引用:

楼主需要在逻辑方面加强,使文章条理清晰,这才是最重要的

多谢神猫了先!我按你的接着简单弄弄,紫色是我改的.
Each person who plans to travel must wish to spend the least money and enjoy a wonderful journey, but what is most(改成the most) important is safety which is now concerned more and more by tourists. To travel with a companion is an ideal method which can help the tourist to finish the trip happily, cheaply and safety(lz连续用了两个which引导的从句,略显单调). (前一句说强调安全最重要,后一句说快乐,便宜,最后才提到了安全,这缺乏逻辑性).Although there are some minor disadvantages to do this, I believe advantages are more than the disadvantages apparently.(数量才有more than)
   First of all, a lack of freedom is the main disadvantage to travel with a companion.(前面说优点比缺点多,这里最好先介绍优点)(个人同意神猫观点,觉得让步应该放在body第三段,但是好象也有人说应该放在body的第一段,存疑) For instance, the(one) traveler prefers to travel by train rather than by airplane, owing to the landscape along the railroad is so beautiful that it’s regrettable to miss( miss作不及物动词时没有错过的意思) for him.(owning to 应该换成because) However, his friend’s vocation is short that he does not have enough time to travel by train. Thus, the traveler has to drop his original arrangement.(其实这个例子lz完全可以用简短的两句话说完,再简单列举其他缺点)
    Even though there may be one or two(用some吧) disadvantages to travel alone, they are tiny and soluble compared with danger and high expense, and the advantage to travel with an accompanist carry more weight than those to travel alone.(这段要表达的意思和开头段重复了)(lz的文章到了这里还没有开始真正论证你支持的观点)
No one will deny that touring with an accompanist is much more secure than a solo(不恰当) journey. They could concern(不恰当) each other, guard(不太恰当) themselves, and support the other when he needs assistance. No matter when they are distressful or happen to embarrassment, they won’t feel solitary and helplessness(不应该用名词) due to there is still someone caring for the other(语法错误). Therefore, their parents will be reassurance to their trip(有这种表达??).
Lowering expense is another advantage to(用for) traveling with an accompanist. We may quote a single example(这种表达不好) that when (one) traveler intent(intends) to rent an automobile while the cost is unacceptably high which surpasses(不当,beyond 好些) his budget. But if he travels with a friend, he just requires committing(不恰当) half of the cost. By this way, the expenditure is minimized(这个例子同样说的不够简练). Not only the outlay, but also the pleasure, the knowledge they gain during the journey and the grief they can all share together.(语法错误) In addition, to argue for this viewpoint we have mass of instances which won’t be listed.
From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that traveling with a companion is much better than traveling alone. Freewheeling as traveling alone is, traveling with a companion is more secure and less expenditure(用形容词) obviously. As far as I am concerned, the best manner to attain a safety, joyful and unforgettable trip is to travel with (a )companion.
lz可以看看这个文章,那个lz的文章的确很好,现在是必推荐了哈
http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-704828-1-1.html

十分感谢各位的批阅及意见，我会如各位所说，在逻辑方面努力提高加强，感激不尽！！！！！！

引用:

原帖由 hqz161655 于 2007-1-1 17:30 发表
十分感谢各位的批阅及意见，我会如各位所说，在逻辑方面努力提高加强，感激不尽！！！！！！

1.论点要能证明你的论据
2.自己说的话不能前后矛盾