题目： Some people prefer to spend most of the time with one or two close friends. Others choose to spend time with a large amount of friends. Compare the advantage of each choice. Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

作文：
Most people believe that friends play a very important role in their life. Definitely, friends are very important in our life not only because they serve the part as the person who can share our happiness and sadness but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life.
Well, some people prefer spend time with one or two close friends because they consider deep communication are much more important to them, while have a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends. However, other people think have a large amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide. In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends will always be my choice.
     As for me, friends will never just be an emotion sharer. The more important things that I care about are the experience that they underwent and the opportunities they are able to provide. As a man, we are not able to try all the things that we are interested in, and have a large amount of friends will make this pity up for us. We can learn things through our friends’ experience as to widen our experience. Additionally, just as the saying that “more friends, more opportunities” Having more friends will bring us more opportunities in our career, and it is going to be much easier for us to expand ourselves and get success in society with the opportunities that friends provide us.
   Each coin has two sides. Both two ways of spending time with friends have their own advantages each. Spending time with few close friends or with lots of friends is up to what you want and what you need from your friends. For me, I think spend time with a large amount of friends will be preferable to just spend most time with one or two close friends.

Words: 340

The questions raised by myself
1．第二段的第二行笔者用deep communication来表示亲密朋友间的深层次交流，也曾经想过用 deep relationship 或 connection 等词，但不清楚哪个词更为准确，请给予指点。
2．第三段的第六行 more friends, more opportunities 笔者想表达朋友多了路好走或者多个朋友多条路的想法，不知道是否有更好的谚语表达方式。
3．笔者自认为在写作文的渐进性的问题上有所不足，希望大侠对笔者第三段，自身观点展开的渐进性上加以一定注意和给予一定评价。

Most people believe that friends play a very important role in their life. Definitely, friends are very important in our life not only because they serve the part as（这个serve as用的好像不是很准确，我也拿不准） the person（they as person?people.) who can share our happiness and sadness（改成joys and sorrows吧） but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life.（开头太长而且没有切中主题，这很致命）
Well（口语？）, some people prefer spend time with one or two close friends because they consider deep communication（s） are much more important to them, while（不当） have（having） a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends. However, other people think have a large amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide. In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends will always be my choice.（这段应该作为第一段，前面那段删了吧）
     As for me, friends will never just be an emotion sharer. The more important things that I care about are the experience that they underwent and the opportunities they are able to provide. As a man, we are not able to try all the things that we are interested in, and have a large amount of friends will make this pity up for us. We can learn things through our friends’ experience as to widen our experience. Additionally, just as the saying that “more friends, more opportunities” Having more friends will bring us more opportunities in our career, and it is going to be much easier for us to expand ourselves and get success in society with the opportunities that friends provide us.
   Each coin has two sides. Both two ways of spending time with friends have their own advantages each. Spending time with few close friends or with lots of friends is up to what you want and what you need from your friends. For me, I think spend time with a large amount of friends will be preferable to just spend most time with one or two close friends.
lz我后面大致看了一下，你的文章还没有达到ibt要求的规范结构，请参照下面这个帖子修改你的作文，然后再发上来~
http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-704828-1-1.html
说实话刚开始我还以为你是他的马甲呢，因为你们的id太相似了

[ 本帖最后由 Holsety 于 2006-12-24 21:34 编辑 ]

好的,谢谢，等看完后一起讨论.

混沌中.. 个人认为评论者不是很负责.

这个,楼主请想一想,今天是christmas eve, Holsety能把陪女朋友的时间来改作文已经不容易了哦

引用:

原帖由 benz2015 于 2006-12-24 08:31 发表
这个,楼主请想一想,今天是christmas eve, Holsety能把陪女朋友的时间来改作文已经不容易了哦

那么正好叫Holsety写一篇spending time with girlfriend！

引用:

原帖由 Roger_Sun 于 2006-12-24 01:10 发表
作文 Spending time with friends

题目： Some people prefer to spend most of the time with one or two close friends. Others choose to spend time with a large amount of friends. Compare the advantage of each choice. Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

作文：
Most people believe that friends play a very important role in their life. Definitely, friends are very important in our life (重复，而且没什么意义)not only because they serve the part as the person who can share our happiness and sadness but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life.
Well, some people prefer spend(spending) time with one or two close friends because they consider deep communication are much more important to them (than what?), while have a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends. However, other people think have a large amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide. In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends will always be my choice.
     As for me, friends will never just be an emotion sharer. The more important things that I care about are the experience that they underwent (我知道“经历”肯定是过去的经历，但全文都是现在时，这里也用现在时比较顺) and the opportunities they are able to provide. As a man, we are not able to try all the things that we are interested in, and have a large amount of friends will make this pity up for us. We can learn things through our friends’ experience as to widen our experience. Additionally, just as the saying that “more friends, more opportunities” Having more friends will bring us more opportunities in our career, and it is going to be much easier for us to expand ourselves and get success in society with the opportunities that friends provide us.
   Each coin has two sides. Both two ways of spending time with friends have their own advantages each. Spending time with few close friends or with lots of friends is up to what you want and what you need from your friends. For me, I think spend time with a large amount of friends will be preferable to just spend most time with one or two close friends.

Words: 340

The questions raised by myself
1．第二段的第二行笔者用deep communication来表示亲密朋友间的深层次交流，也曾经想过用 deep relationship 或 connection 等词，但不清楚哪个词更为准确，请给予指点。
2．第三段的第六行 more friends, more opportunities 笔者想表达朋友多了路好走或者多个朋友多条路的想法，不知道是否有更好的谚语表达方式。
3．笔者自认为在写作文的渐进性的问题上有所不足，希望大侠对笔者第三段，自身观点展开的渐进性上加以一定注意和给予一定评价。

看来我也不是很负责……主要是句式的确比较混乱。
我说一句不客气的话，但希望楼主不要灰心丧气：你的语法、用词、句法还很不足，先把这个基础打扎实，然后再考虑“渐进性”等行文逻辑结构上的问题。目前你还没到那水平。
最后祝楼主尽快提高！

刚来就得罪人,不好意思了.
最近备考,所以也忘记了今天是节日,莽撞了.
坦白的说,我并没有得到什么有价值的意见,有点失望,也许是因为我抱的期望值有点高了吧.
路一步一步走,文章一篇一篇写,希望和大家保持联系

lz真的对不起,我把你需要看的东西帖出来大家一起讨论下吧,下面是我推荐你看的帖子中提到的5段论,虽然ets没有明确要求你就把文章写成这样,但是我一直觉得这种文章是容易得到高分的,lz对照李笑来的文章就能发现大多数还是很遵守这样的格式的(body可能只有两段),如果牛人有不同见解请讨论
nIntroduction Paragraph：Say what you are going to say.
  lHook:这个我想不用我多说了，就是文章的“引子”，你的文章是否有高分，这个很重要。这样的句子不要出现，例如：In my essay, I will demonstrate…。下面的句子Jeff称之为Ok Sentence,即可以出现的句子，例如：Tea is the best drink in the world. 或者可以使用五星级的句子，例如：Although Coke is becoming more popular, it can not replace China’s love of tea.
  lBackground / Definition: 重新描述问题，但是不要使用老外给你的题目原话，这里我可以说，如果你使用了原话，不会对你的文章产生任何不好的影响，只是你不会在这里拿到应该得到的分数而已。你可以写成为 Tea is the most popular hot drink in the world.
  lThesis: 中心句，如果文章不是argument essay，请不要直接在句子中表达自己的意见或者用一种General的形式来表达大家的意见, 例如：Tea is the world’s favorite drink because it provides health benefits, it is less expensive, and it is available in many varieties.
  lForecasting: 见关键词解释。Because后面的3个简单句就是Forecasting。
nBody Paragraph I:
  lTop Sentence: First，Tea is healthier to drink. (OK-Sentence)Jeff推荐的句子Drank by million of people, tea is… (分词开头-ed)，再如：Improving your health, tea is drank…(动名词开头-ing)，又如：For thousands of years, tea is…(General 开头)
  lDetail: 这个不用多说了，就是要把你的例子举出来了。For example, people who drink tea, live longer, healthier lives than these who drink coffee.
  lBefriend:这个是重点了，要把拳头收回来。例如：Although coffee is good for your health, it cause heart attacks in large amounts.
  lSupport:这个时候需要你利用你事实作为拳头伸出去，例如：In fact, heart attacks are one of the leading causes of death, so tea is a better drink according to doctor’s suggestion.
  lConcluding Sentence:最后要简单扼要的总结一下，你在这段的论点和论据，其原理就像是简易书架，你只有两边都有支撑的面，你的书才不会向没有支撑面的那边倒去。可能有些朋友认为这个比较麻烦或者多余，不过我还是建议大家要包含这个部分，例如：To sum up, tea is healthier in several ways compared to coffee.
nBody Paragraph II: 结构如上述，我就不多说了。
nBody Paragraph III: 同上。
Conclusion Paragraph: 关于Conclusion我还是要多说两句，通常老外喜欢用Conclusion作为整篇文章的结尾用词，而用to sum up等作为段落的总结。例如：Despite the fact that coffee consumption is increasing, it will never be as beneficial as tea. Tea is less expensive, comes in more varieties, and is healthier. In conclusion, tea will remain the best drink until humans invent something better.

顺便提及一下，有的朋友会问，是否可以变化一下Body Paragraph的结构，我的建议是不要变化，不信的话，您可以自己尝试一下把你的文章重新排一下，您就会知道这里面的区别了。
以下是lz你的文章:
Most people believe that friends play a very important role in their life. Definitely, friends are very important in our life not only because they serve the part as the person who can share our happiness and sadness but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life.(读了第一段批卷的人能看出你支持哪方么?)
Well, some people prefer spend time with one or two close friends because they consider deep communication are much more important to them, while have a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends. However, other people think have a large amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide. In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends will always be my choice.(lz到了这里才明确提出自己观点,以上的话就显得太没有针对性了吧)
     As for me, friends will never just be an emotion sharer. The more important things that I care about are the experience that they underwent and the opportunities they are able to provide(Top Sentence依然不明确). As a man, we are not able to try all the things that we are interested in, and have a large amount of friends will make this pity up for us. We can learn things through our friends’ experience as to widen our experience. Additionally, just as the saying that “more friends, more opportunities” Having more friends will bring us more opportunities in our career, and it is going to be much easier for us to expand ourselves and get success in society with the opportunities that friends provide us.(lz的body只有一段.)
   Each coin has two sides(这个谚语都用烂了,现在不提倡用). Both two ways of spending time with friends have their own advantages each. Spending time with few close friends or with lots of friends is up to what you want and what you need from your friends. For me, I think spend time with a large amount of friends will be preferable to just spend most time with one or two close friends.(关于结尾段的写法这里有专门的帖子lz可以在置顶的帖子中找)
我认为5段论之所以好是因为其结构清晰,开头明确观点,bdoy展开论证,结尾总结升华.这样大家都很容易理解,回味你文章的时候可以很轻易的想到你要说的是什么,你都用了哪些理由作为你的分论点.lz可以想想ibt写作第一题的阅读和听力材料都是这样的结构的.如果lz觉得以上的话对你有作用的话就把文章改一下再发上来

另外Jimmy我还没女友唉,每逢佳节倍思春

[ 本帖最后由 tracy24 于 2006-12-25 13:09 编辑 ]

引用:

原帖由 Roger_Sun 于 2006-12-24 23:23 发表
混沌中.. 个人认为评论者不是很负责.

首先，就LZ这句话我就有异议。要知道，在论坛里，没人有义务帮他人改作文，每个人在这里都是讨论而已，没有任何义务让你“满意”，LZ需要把这点认识清楚:)

如果LZ认为LS几位的修改让你不满意，那么我在他们的基础上再补充几句－主要在你的用词上面提点建议

引用:

题目： Some people prefer to spend most of the time with one or two close friends. Others choose to spend time with a large amount of friends. Compare the advantage of each choice. Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

作文：
Most people believe that friends play a very important role in 1.their life. Definitely, friends are very important in our life 2. not only because they serve the part as the person who can share our happiness and sadness but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life.Well, some people prefer spend time with one or two close friends because 3. they consider deep communication are much more important to them, 4.while have a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends. However, 5.other people think have a large 6.amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share 7.different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide. In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends 8.will always be my choice.首先，结构上来说，作者没有按照题目的要求来：先对比，再给出自己的意见。LZ没有对比完全，就给出自己的OPINION，大忌。

     As for me, friends will never just be an emotion sharer. The more important things that I care about are the experience that they 9.underwent and the opportunities they are able to provide. 10.As a man, we are not able to try all the things that we are interested in, and have a large amount of friends will make this pity up for us. We can learn things through our friends’ experience as to widen our experience. Additionally, just as the saying that “more friends, more opportunities” Having more friends will bring us more opportunities in our career, and it is going to be much easier for us to expand ourselves and get success in society with the opportunities that friends provide us.这段偏题了

   Each coin has two sides. Both two ways of spending time with friends have their own advantages each. Spending time with few close friends or with lots of friends is up to what you want and what you need from your friends. For me, I think spend time with a large amount of friends will be preferable to just spend most time with one or two close friends.自己的观点表述不详细。

Words: 340

The questions raised by myself
1．第二段的第二行笔者用deep communication来表示亲密朋友间的深层次交流，也曾经想过用 deep relationship 或 connection 等词，但不清楚哪个词更为准确，请给予指点。
2．第三段的第六行 more friends, more opportunities 笔者想表达朋友多了路好走或者多个朋友多条路的想法，不知道是否有更好的谚语表达方式。
3．笔者自认为在写作文的渐进性的问题上有所不足，希望大侠对笔者第三段，自身观点展开的渐进性上加以一定注意和给予一定评价。

看了大部分，实在是看不下去了:(

红色的表示有错误的地方。如果再改下去，我想LZ也不想见到满江红吧。

LZ的水平处于4级，离TOFEL还有一段距离。后面的我就不改了，仔细给你讲讲前面用红色标示出来的问题吧。

问题一：LZ的思想、语言表达纯属中式。非常明显地方，见错误2
问题二：语法错误严重。

详细修改，见如下：
Most people believe that friends play a very important role in 1.their life.
改为:their lives

friends are very important in our life 2. not only because they serve the part as the person who can share our happiness and sadness but also provide us more opportunities and widen our social experience in our life

这句话，实在错得离谱。
首先，请查一下not only...but also的正确用法，有一点很明确的告诉LZ，not only和but also后面的句子成分是完全一致的。
其次，they serve the part as the person 这句话，非常有问题。

建议改为：friendship represents a significant role in our social lives, which means a real friend is the one who not only can share our happiness and sadness alike but can widen our social circles.

some people prefer spend time with one or two close friends because 3. they consider deep communication are much more important to them, 4.while have a lot of friends will limit developing the deep communication with their few close friends.
这句话也是奇怪。
deep communication和只和1、2个朋友交往有直接联系吗？
并且，while后面缺少主语，而且2个谓语：have和will limit，这样的句子我就不改了。

5.other people think have a large 6.amount of friends is more meaningful for their life, because they would like to share 7.different kind of lifestyle and experience which only have a large amount of friends can provide.
没有other people这样的说法，一般是：others/ some people 这样的用法。
没有amount of friends这样的用法，可以用a bunch of friends
different kind改为：different kinds

In my opinion, spend most of my time with a large mount of friends 8.will always be my choice.
will be my choice中式英语。
改为：建议用prefer,如果想换其他的用法，用。。。over。。。,例如：I like hanging out with a bunch of my friends over a few ones.

The more important things that I care about are the experience that they 9.underwent and the opportunities they are able to provide.
这句话几个问题：
1、are 和experience搭配不对。
2、underwent用的过去式。
3、opportunities和able to ...搭配不对
4、这句话其实你已经在前面提到过了，又重复写，没意义。

10.As a man, we
在ESSAY里面出现AS A MAN的说法是应该被批评的。而且，后面的主语怎么会是WE？？？？大不解。

LZ自己对自己打分吧。如果有疑问再跟贴。

[ 本帖最后由 tracy24 于 2006-12-25 14:18 编辑 ]

引用:

首先，就LZ这句话我就有异议。要知道，在论坛里，没人有义务帮他人改作文，每个人在这里都是讨论而已，没有任何义务让你“满意”，LZ需要把这点认识清楚:)

我很赞同
另外,即便别人给的意见在你看来没有价值,也应该表示一下感谢

感谢Holsety的耐心与绅士,尤其是对我'作品"整体思路上的建议.
也很感谢翱翔万里对文章细节地方的修改,意见很中肯.
真是不写不知道,写完才发现值得注意问题很多.\
等稍后写了新东西再和大家讨论.