If I could change important things in my hometown, I could select many choices, such as environment, traffic, education and etc. But if I need to choose one most important thing, I would rather select environment because of follow reasons:
First, good environment could make people much healthier. Environment has a considerable relation with people’s health and life. Good environment could bring more health; bad environment could bring more disaster. Specially, some terrible environment problem, such as water pollution and air pollution, could even kill people. Other environment problem(s), like fewer trees, could make people uncomfortable.
Moreover, if people(改成parents) are healthy, it(they) could influent their kids. Good environment could bring a healthy baby rather than bad environment.(lz的这个理由有点无厘头)
Second, good environment could make people much happier. People who have a better health could be able to do more things, whether doing more exercise or doing more work. In that case,people could be healthier and have a better salary. As a result, some problem could be solved. Family problem, for example, is always, as well known, because of economic problem. If the people could be wealthier, the problem could be solved easier. And it still could make people happier.
Third, good environment could even make people more productive
(lz三段的开头都用了同一个句子). If a person is neither happy nor healthy, he could not do anything. In contrast, a person who is both happy and healthy could have more motive to do his jobs, more creative to make a fantastic idea and
(be)more intelligent to solve
the problem(problems). In addition,
if he do it well(如果他干的好?), it means he have
(has) more opportunities to promote or to study. Then he could be more and more skillful, and that also mean more productive.
In conclusion, if I could change only one important thing about your hometown, I would rather choose environment than other because of it could makes people happier, healthier and even more productive.
lz的文章主题改成环境的重要性内容几乎可以一点不改,因为在文章body部分几乎没有提及自己的家乡,这样不好~整篇文章都像在泛泛而谈,lz要是用上一些具体的例子老米会很喜欢,比如我家乡原来有个破池塘什么的,环境十分不好,人们原来都绕道走.如果我改变它会怎么样什么的.写ps的时候也是这样,细节最重要.
另外lz的文章显得句式单一,而且lz可以看看自己的文章中用了多少个people还有more.
lz加油吧!~
