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[IBT作文] 帮我改改吧..托福作文...继续求助

帮我改改吧..托福作文...继续求助

If you are given the chance to choose living in a room alone or having roommates when you enter a university, which do you like better?

Nowadays, bulk of the students are probably confronted with the perplexity, whether to live with certain roommates or just him/herself entering the university. For the sake of personal backgrounds and distinct personalities, different individuals hold different points of view. Thanks to the personality of mine, my choice goes to the former one, which is participating a group in the dormitory instead of alone. Definitely, I am going to illustrate my concrete evidence to back up my notion.
The first and the foremost factor is that several friends living together enable us to improve personality. It is universally acknowledged that most of the teenagers are the sole children in their family in China. This fact increases the possibility that children are the center of the family, which enhance their selfish demerit. Consequently, living with others during the university period is a precious opportunity to withdraw our negative personality. I am able to make myself an example. Without optional choice, I share a single room with three classmates in the university dorm. For the fear of disturbing others and enabling them uncomfortable, I am compelled to reset my timing and spare no effort to prove my negative behavior. As a result, certain disadvantages of my personality are gotten rid of failing to be perceived. That special experience with my roommates indeed has a significant influence on my future life.
In addition, the subsequent point cannot be neglected to demonstrate the subject. Several individuals enable you to gain the sense of belonging. Those who living together will possibly become brothers and sisters result from sharing one room. Most of us dread the feeling of isolation and loneliness without accompaniment of parents. The roommates are capable to assist you to keep that terrible emotion away. Hardly can you feel comfortable when you step in the dormitory devoid of single person, in my opinion.
Whereas, just like life is never full of roses and wines, roommates is not able to be ideal as we expect it to be. There is no denying that it definitely will give rise to certain problems even conflicts owing to the different concepts. You may also encounter the situation that the person living with you displays manners which you don’t favor. While crisis can also be a pivot. Given that the possibility exists that it generates negative influence, what we are suppose to do is take the differentiation account in order to moderate it.
By and large, sharing the room with several mates is the way I suggest to select. We will step into the complex society after graduating from university. At that moment, I am afraid that we will have no choice. Thus, why not create an opportunity to practice ourselves so as to adapt the community within a temporary period?

[ 本帖最后由 marswork 于 2006-12-29 14:38 编辑 ]
本帖最近评分记录
  • Holsety 威望 +1 鼓励发文~ 2006-12-29 22:09

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紧急版...谢谢蓝鹰们...

这篇是用我的模板写的,会有些死板我觉得...
但害怕考试脑袋空白不好发挥,所以还是练下比较好。...

[ 本帖最后由 marswork 于 2006-12-29 08:15 编辑 ]

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Nowadays, the bulk of the students are probably confronted with the perplexity, whether to live with certain roommates or just him/herself entering the university. For the sake of personal backgrounds and distinct personalities, different individuals hold different points of view. Thanks to the personality of mine, my choice goes to the former one, which is多余 participating a group in the dormitory instead of alone. Definitely, I am going to illustrate my concrete evidence to back up my notion.

The first and the foremost factor is that several friends living together enable us to improve personality可以这样用吗?. It is universally acknowledged that most of the teenagers are the sole children in their family in China. This fact increases the possibility that children are the center of the family, which enhance their selfish demerit. Consequently, living with others during the university period is a precious opportunity to withdraw our negative personality. I am able to make myself an example. Without optional choice, I share a single room with three classmates in the university dorm. For the fear of disturbing others and enabling them uncomfortable, I am compelled to reset my timing and spare no effort to prove my negative behavior. As a result, certain disadvantages of my personality are gotten rid of failing to be perceived. That special experience with my roommates indeed has a significant influence on my future life.

In addition, the subsequent point cannot be neglected to demonstrate the subject. Several individuals enable you to gain the sense of belonging. Those who living together will possibly become brothers and sisters result from sharing one room. Most of us dread of the feeling of isolation and loneliness without accompaniment of parents. The roommates are capable to assist you to keep that terrible emotion away. Hardly can you feel comfortable when you step in the dormitory devoid of single person, in my opinion.

Whereas, just like life is never full of roses and wines, roommates is not able to be这里不是able to的问题 ideal as we expect it to be去掉. There is no denying that it definitely will give rise to certain problems even conflicts owing to the different concepts. You may also encounter the situation that the person living with you displays manners which you don’t favor不合适. While crisis can also be a pivot. Given that the possibility exists that it generates negative influence, what we are suppose to do is take the differentiation account in order to moderate it.

By and large, sharing the room with several mates is the way I suggest to select多余. We will step into the complex society after graduating from university. At that moment, I am afraid that we will have no choice. Thus, why not create an opportunity to practice ourselves so as to adapt to the community within a temporary period?扯到另外一个话题上面去了
引用:
这篇是用我的模板写的,会有些死板我觉得...
还好

注意:you 句型慎用,you may also,换成one may also
少量的语法错误是允许的
文章基本上没有什么大问题了。
放心去考吧

[ 本帖最后由 benz2015 于 2006-12-28 23:19 编辑 ]
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  • 我爱你雯 威望 +1 感觉Jimmy好辛苦,加分加分 2006-12-28 23:00
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

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晕,Jimmy弄了我就不弄了~

[ 本帖最后由 Holsety 于 2006-12-28 22:54 编辑 ]
Why...so...serious?

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引用:
原帖由 Holsety 于 2006-12-28 22:52 发表
晕,Jimmy弄了我就不弄了~
。。。。。
我刚看了你改的,刷了一下就没有了?
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

TOP

恩,没弄完得抄报告去了,所以就删了~
Why...so...serious?

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谢谢!!!
太感谢了...
我在练速度,所以现在基本上是每天两篇...打英文很郁闷的说,经常会打错...要不是WORLD错的更多...
那个....
能不能再帮我改一篇...

TOP

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of communication by telephone and by letter.

Nowadays, technology is developing with a tremendous speed. At the same time, it makes it possible for us to use various avenues to keep in touch with our family and close friends. However, for the sake of the personal backgrounds and distinct experiences, different individuals hole different points of view. Some maintain that sending a letter is the best way while the other assert that having a talk over telephone is much more efficient. I am going to point out both the two contradictory sides of these means communicating with others and concrete the evidences of my selection.
It is universally acknowledged that telephone indeed takes the dominant role in our communication. We are able to hear person’s voice directly, which enable us generate the feeling that he/she over the phone is just sitting next to us. This gives us a direct and effective way to display our emotion and concept.
Nevertheless, every thing is not able to be ideal as we expect it to be, just like life is never full of roses and wines. There is on denying that the harmful waves which are brought about by the machine do have negative influence on our health. Scientists have proved that these microwaves are able to post a threat on the cells of the skin and also impact our brain, especially for children. Owing to the demerits of telephone, we are supposed to take them into account and spare no effort to avoid them.
The method I prefer is writing a letter. Firstly, the words and paper provide you a opportunity to express the real emotion buried in the bottom of your heart. We more often than not send a letter to the individual who plays a significant role during our lives. Consequently, we are capable to erect a bridge between two hearts. I suppose I even can read his/her emotion just from his/her writing, feel the complex experience he/she is suffering and hear the voice from his/her heart. That is imaginable, isn’t it?
In addition, as far as I am concerned, more time as the letter may take, I enjoy the feeling of waiting it and opening the letter box to search our a surprise. Everyone is in favor of surprise. This peerless merit is what the telephone is never able to offer.
By and large, although the modern society enables us to communicate with others with a high level of efficiency and speed, after all, the primitive and original way is probably the best.

其实每篇都有很多固定的句子...嘿嘿...
写作文的时候总是难免有些中文的习惯...
还有,上一篇的make myself an example就是拿我来举例正规要怎么说...
本帖最近评分记录
  • Holsety 威望 +1 鼓励发文 2006-12-29 22:09

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还有要请教下蓝鹰和托友们...

那种分析优缺点并给出自己观点的题目结构上应该怎么安排合理一点?
是不是最好自己选的那个说的多点?
让我的花瓣洒在你的回忆里...

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Nowadays, technology is developing with a tremendous speed. At the same time, it makes it possible for us to use various avenues to keep in touch with our family and close friends. However, for the sake of the personal backgrounds and distinct experiences, different individuals hole different points of view. Some maintain that sending a letter is the best way while the other(others) assert that having a talk over telephone is much more efficient. I am going to point out both the two contradictory sides of these means communicating with others and concrete the evidences of my selection.
It is universally acknowledged that telephone indeed takes the dominant role in our communication. We are able to hear person’s voice directly, which enable us (to)generate the feeling that he/she over the phone is just sitting next to us. This gives us a direct and effective way to display our emotion and concept.
Nevertheless, every thing is not able to be ideal as we expect it to be, just like life is never full of roses and wines. There is on denying that the harmful waves which are brought about by the machine do have negative influence on our health. Scientists have proved that these microwaves are able to(lz用了很多be able to了,而且后面还有) post a threat on the cells of the skin and also impact our brain, especially for children. Owing to the demerits of telephone, we are supposed to take them into account and spare no effort to avoid them.
The method I prefer is writing a letter. Firstly, the words and paper provide you a(an) opportunity to express the real emotion buried in the bottom of your heart. We more often than not send a letter to the individual who plays a significant role during our lives. Consequently, we are capable to erect a bridge between two hearts. I suppose I even can read his/her emotion just from his/her writing, feel the complex experience he/she is suffering and hear the voice from his/her heart. That is imaginable, isn’t it?
In addition, as far as I am concerned, more time as the letter may take, I enjoy the feeling of waiting it and opening the letter box to search our a surprise. Everyone is in favor of surprise. This peerless merit is what the telephone is never able to offer. By and large, although the modern society enables us to communicate with others with a high level of efficiency and speed, after all, the primitive and original way is probably the best.

lz的文章我觉得挺不错了,我考试的时候能写成你这样就满足了.
但是推荐lz不要写两边倒的文章,一般这样的题目都是body的三段前两段写信的好处,第三段让步一下,我觉得一定要把自己喜欢的那个多写才行.
lz以后发新的文章另开新帖,方便以后的板油查找~

[ 本帖最后由 Holsety 于 2006-12-29 22:08 编辑 ]
Why...so...serious?

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谢谢....俺等亲爱的蓝鹰等了一天了...
有道理...其实我没想着两边倒,但是电话好象写的太多了。...

而且我很习惯用be able to...除了be capable to之外还有没有什么可以来替换下can的?
还有,上一篇的make myself an example就是拿我来举例正规要怎么说...

[ 本帖最后由 marswork 于 2006-12-29 22:25 编辑 ]
让我的花瓣洒在你的回忆里...

TOP

引用:
原帖由 marswork 于 2006-12-28 17:19 发表
谢谢!!!
太感谢了...
我在练速度,所以现在基本上是每天两篇...打英文很郁闷的说,经常会打错...要不是WORLD错的更多...
那个....
能不能再帮我改一篇...
这就是用WORD的后果……强烈建议楼主不要用word,坏习惯形成了很难改得过来。

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ls说的对,建议平时就用写字板打
Why...so...serious?

TOP

我那里的网路坏了,真 只有跑出来上网看看
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

TOP

恩,好...改!

那个....俺的问题哪个大侠出手相助下...
让我的花瓣洒在你的回忆里...

TOP

看会员必读中的推荐文章
I want you -- I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me, or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?

Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids?

Were you in it for that young boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage?

Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?


欢迎加入蓝鹰计划这一平凡而伟大的活动--助中国的IBT奋斗者一臂之力。

我们应该努力的学习,努力的奋斗,为了理想,历经千辛万苦,希望失望希望失望希望失望反反复复挣扎,依然不低下高贵的头,这样才能对世界说, My dream is what I get.
                                                               --Jimmy


分手不叫失去,她结婚了,而且还没有告诉你,才是真正的失去

TOP

引用:
原帖由 marswork 于 2006-12-29 08:19 发表
谢谢!!!
太感谢了...
我在练速度,所以现在基本上是每天两篇...打英文很郁闷的说,经常会打错...要不是WORLD错的更多...
那个....
能不能再帮我改一篇...
请不要在同一个帖子里发多个作文,请看:http://e.taisha.org/thread-710991-1-1.html

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八好意思...
让我的花瓣洒在你的回忆里...

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