1。增加了身边详细的例子
2。首段点明了观点
3。没写过于绝对的句子。
4。句子多样性有稍许改善

请批地一定要“狠”
1．People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Since the society is more and more competitive, university diploma becomes a key of career, in spite of working in a company or teaching in a college. For this reason, most of the students go to university in order to get a job. However, some of students have different ideas, such as strong curiousness for knowledge, tasting of university life or change one’s life.

First kind is the persons who have strong curiousness for knowledge. It is no denying that a group of people, who have great passion to the knowledge and have a dream to be a scientist, exists. In some sense, some of us had the same idea when we are a kid, yet only a small amount insists it.

Second kind is the persons who want to taste of university life. As it is no denying for existence of first kind, so it is no doubt for existence of this kind. Usually, they do not worry about life because their family has enough money. Life of university means friendship, love and freedom to them.

Third kind is the persons who want to change their life. Some of university students from the country hope to change their life by settling in the city. Almost the only way to implement the idea is to be an undergraduate student. One of my classmates, who came from a small village in China, told me the purpose of going to his university is only means to go to the big city and then find a job there. He had no idea of future or did not dare to think about it as well because everything is considerably unpredictable. However, he had strong confidence about the future life, because there are much more opportunities in the city than his hometown.

In conclusion, different people have different idea about the university and these various ideas consist of the beautiful life in the university.





[ 本帖最后由 sunzxing 于 2007-1-5 18:10 编辑 ]

我明天帮你看看这个~~

好，谢谢。

Since the society is more and more competitive, university diploma becomes a key of career（这个是可数的）, in spite of working in a company or teaching in a college. For this reason, most of the students go to university in order to get a job. However, some of students have different ideas（后面列举的不是想法了）, such as strong curiousness for knowledge, tasting of university life or change one’s life.

（the）First kind（这个kind指什么？） is the persons（感觉一般都说people不说persons） who have strong curiousness for knowledge（三段开头都是同一句话）. It is no denying that(???改成no one can deny the fact that 吧） a group of people, who have great passion to the knowledge and have a dream to be a scientist, exists.（说的太简单了，接着举例子啊，知道什么科学家名字就都往上列，然后说大学对他们来说是最好的继续他们研究的地方，他们在大学里的研究为社会带来了多少贡献，同时他们也实现了自身价值．．．．） In some sense, some of us had the same idea when we are（时态） a kid（复数）, yet only a small amount insists it.（这句感觉没什么用．）

Second kind is the persons who want to taste of university life. As it is no denying for existence of first kind, so it is no doubt for existence of this kind（数学归纳法？这么说有点太．．．）. Usually, they do not worry about life because their family has enough money. Life of university means friendship, love and freedom to them（还是太简单）.

Third kind is the persons who want to change their life. Some of university students from the country hope to change their life by settling in the city. Almost the only way to implement the idea is to be an undergraduate student. One of my classmates, who came from a small village in China, told me the purpose of going to his university is only means to go to the big city and then find a job there. He had no idea of future or did not dare to think about it as well because everything is considerably unpredictable. However, he had strong confidence about the future life, because there are much more opportunities in the city than his hometown.（这段如果不挑语法错误的话就挺好的，body的每一段都应该是这样的）

In conclusion, different people have different idea about the university and these various ideas consist of the beautiful life in the university. （结尾段还是太简单～）

（一）关于body段你的意思是不是这样的？

1。每个body段应该有一定的论证过程，而不是单纯说出自己的想法。
2。理论最好能联系实际的例子。

（二）结尾段怎么写才好

（三）关于三段开头都是同一句话，我想讨论的一下。我觉得有利于分清结构，而且显得很工整。就像中文中的一般写第一条，第二条，第三条。 而从不把"第"或者"条"换个说法。

p:s.：倒数第二句让我感到了希望。

[ 本帖最后由 sunzxing 于 2007-1-4 23:14 编辑 ]

第一点就是那样，这点很重要！你总结的很对！
看看这个帖子：http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-704828-1-1.html
还有那个lz写的文章，倒不用一定按照他的格式，lz可以借鉴一下，自己写着顺也很重要．
第二点看看这个帖子：http://bbs.taisha.org/viewthread.php?tid=708514&highlight=
第三点大家讨论一下．但我印象中没有范文是这么写的．
lz还有时间．希望大大的有
FEAR CAN HOLD YOU PRISONER
HOPE CAN SET YOU FREE

引用:

原帖由 sunzxing 于 2007-1-4 23:12 发表
（一）关于body段你的意思是不是这样的？

1。每个body段应该有一定的论证过程，而不是单纯说出自己的想法。
2。理论最好能联系实际的例子。

（二）结尾段怎么写才好

（三）关于三段开头都是同一句话， ...

如果说得再细点，是不是可以这样总结
（一）关于body段你的意思是不是这样的？

每个body段应该有一定的论证过程，而不是单纯说出自己的想法。而且最好能联系实际的例子。
如果你提出的是理论。可以从正面提出，然后再说if not, then 结论. 然后举个反面例子（因为我觉得正面论证很难有说服力，那需要大量的支撑论点，这个考场上没有时间）
如果你提出的是现象，可以解释一下现象本身，然后直接举例。（比如我上面写的，为了当科学家的，为了体验生活的），



[ 本帖最后由 sunzxing 于 2007-1-5 00:37 编辑 ]